A Pity Party You Say???

Okay I am having one of those days and I hate it. Actually I should not even say its one of those days because my day has not been bad in the slightest....but all of a sudden, well within the last hour, I feel invisible.

I can't explain it. I know its just me but that's the way I feel.

I feel boring...

I feel unimportant...

I feel like I am no fun what-so-ever...

I feel like I could just walk out the door and no one would even fucking notice.....

I feel like a wallflower...

It's funny because I know its only me because no one else is making me feel this way but I still cannot help myself.

But what makes it even worse is the thought of asking anyone to make me feel better because I feel like its something I should be doing on my own. I mean who am I? What makes me so special that I should feel the need to find someone to make me feel better about myself? I know I need to drag myself out of this hole but right now I am not succeeding.

No one makes me feel this way but for whatever reason I just do.

And when I even begin to think that I want to try and talk about it I feel like I am about to cry.

Now don't anyone go and think that Blu isn't doing his part because he is. He always does. Whenever he thinks there is something wrong with me he lets me know because he pays attention...

But tonight I just cannot communicate for whatever reason. I can't spit the words out because they just won't come. It's like they are lodged in the back of my throat and no matter how hard I try they just won't budge. And then whatever I say comes out wrong and is taken the wrong way so then I feel like I should just shut the fuck up... Because I don't want to bring anyone down...

Does anyone else ever feel like this or is it just me???

I think I am just over hormonal... I blame myself and no one else... Sorry guys I know that word hormonal just eats at you but its the truth. I think most of us women are like this sometimes.

I am apparently having my own little pity party but I forgot to send out invitations...

I am playing the worlds smallest violin without an audience to enjoy it with me... Not that anyone would even enjoy the songs I would be playing but whatever right???

So forgive me everyone.. I needed to vent... How sad is this? I vented and it meant nothing.

Do I feel better? Hell no.. I still feel like running down the street screaming my head off and tearing out my hair...

I guess it just sucks. Here it is Saturday night and I feel like doing anything other than what I am doing right now. I hate sitting in this house. I wouldn't care if I were just outside staring at the sky... it would be better than this but then again... its fucking cold so I would bitch about that... So go figure..

I need a night out..

I need to get away badly...

Is that bad?

Is it selfish??

Is it wrong???

Probably...

By the way.. My head is pounding...