The Things You See....

For me, driving to work is always interesting. It's mainly because my drive to work involves making my way through heavy congested traffic but also it's due to the fact I drive 40 minutes just to get there.

I always manage to see something which makes me laugh or shake my head. It doesn't matter if its the couple screaming at each other or the single guy who has a finger knuckle deep planted in his nose. It doesn't matter what it is, there is always something to see.

Yesterday was no exception. Unfortunately, My Michael was sick so I made the trek all-by-my-lonesome which I hate. I get so use to having someone there that when he isn't it drives me a little crazy. Especially when there is road construction everywhere with those annoying signs that say "Progess in Process" to indicate they are actually doing more than just making the drive unbearable! Whatever....

Anyway, I am about half-way to work when this huge flatbed truck with junk stacked in the back (the stack was a good 8 or 9 feet high mind you) suddenly loses control of its load and shit goes flying all over the interstate. Everything from metal to wood went everywhere. That's when the road became a little game of Dodge-Junk. Swerve to avoid hitting shit! If I would have gotten points, I would have felt trapped in a video game. It was a little scary. I can't lie about that.

A couple of minutes later I see this white car coming up ahead of me weaving back and forth in front of me. So I think, "Okay, get another lane over to get away from this guy!" Well when I get up beside the car, I look over and see something I have never ever seen while driving. There to my right was a man probably 65 years old, no hands on the steering wheel at all, playing a trumpet! Yes, I did say playing a trumpet! Both hands were seriously on this instrument and he was literally playing it! I only wish his window and mine would have been down so I could have yelled something but he probably wouldn't have noticed anyway since he didn't seem to notice HE WAS DRIVING A CAR!!! Crazy I tell you! Crazy!!!

Then 5 minutes later I am stuck in traffic. They closed 2 lanes of the 3 lane interstate for construction. I HATE THAT! So what did I do? Got off at the next exit and took the back roads to work.

My drive home was no different, well except there was no shit flying at my car and no trumpet playing old guy. Just dodging assholes who are so hell-bent on getting home they don't care about basically running people off the road.

But my conclusion was this. I should not have driven yesterday. I should have stayed home. I avoided accident after accident and it made me a little nuts.

Now I am about to get behind the wheel again and I am hoping today is a much better drive than yesterday!

Just gotta Vent a little...

Today I am drained. Today I am mentally and physically exhausted. Today I am.....

Have you ever had to just sit and silently deal with an illness while feeling completely helpless and useless?

This past week has been a little rough on my Michael and today is no exception. A few nights ago Michael became extremely sick for several hours. He got over it a day later but this morning he awoke with that same feeling of weakness and nausea. We had to work this morning so we got up, left and made the 40 minute trek. About 45 minutes after we got there he became incredibly sick and began vomiting again. This bout continued until just a few minutes ago. So we had another round of 4 hours of nothing but getting sick.

All I could do was sit back, watch, hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair and get him anything he needed.

I hate that.... I hate it SO much....

This morning was tough because every time he gets sick it scares me tremendously. Normally, I handle it really well. I take care of him and I do it because I love him dearly. But this morning, I broke down. I seriously broke down and cried.

It's hard watching him go through this knowing there is nothing that I can do to magically make it go away or even take it on myself so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course he would tell you himself he would never wish this disease upon even his worst enemy, but I would still take away his pain if I could. His poor body has been raked over the coals for years and in all honesty, its truly taking its toll. Don't get me wrong, Michael is in very good shape for someone living with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus. But this disease has really done a number on him.

Diabetic Neuropathy.... Nerve Damage.... I think this is the worst part of the disease. Just from watching Michael over the last few months I truly believe this is what makes his condition so unbearable. Diabetes causes severe complications with the nerve receptors in the body making it difficult to cope with everyday things whether it be loud noises, having too many people around or just being able to sense if his blood sugar levels are too high or too low.

You see, when he gets sick....HE REALLY GETS SICK!!! The vomiting is almost always very violent and uncontrollable for several hours and this morning was no exception. I can deal with watching him get sick and cleaning up after it all but what got to me this morning was simply wondering why this has to happen to him.

It's unfair. It's so completely unfair. He is such a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve this. I know, no one does but I guess when it hits so close to home that Diabetes becomes something so much more than just a word or an illness. It's very real and it's very scary. It's debilitating. It's life changing. It's inconvenient. It's terminal. To be very blunt, it's a slow painful death. And that is something he will tell you himself.

I want to make it very well known that Michael is truly the strongest person I have ever known, not only physically but mentally as well. And when I see him get sick it kills me inside as it does him. Michael does not ever like to feel or appear weak because that is not who he is but this fucking disease drains him. It exhausts him. It takes from him and that is what hurts the most.

I hate this disease but at the same time, it is a part of him. It makes him who he is and that is just a spectacular human being who looks at life as we all should. All Michael wants out of his life is happiness and love and nothing more. As long as he wakes every day and takes a breath he knows he has accomplished something monumental and that is being able to live.

Michael is my hero and my personal guardian angel. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him and I never will. How we ever came sweeping into each others lives I will never know and honestly I don't care. It happened and that is all that matters. We love each other and we are happy. That is what life is all about.

My love for you is a journey;
Starting at forever,
And ending at never.
~ by Anonymous ~

I realize this is long winded but today I just needed to vent. I needed to just get it all out because this disease of his takes it toll on all of us and if I kept it all in he would kick me for it. He always says that if you need to vent then do it because keeping it in does no one any good at all. He is right. He is so right.

I am an Addict in DESPERATE need of a Support Group

Damn what a weekend!

I know I am not alone when I say this, but Weekends are so precious to me. I don't mind working but it's always nice to have those days where I can stay up as late as I want and sleep in the next day. And that is exactly what happens around here.

Michael and I will usually stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching movies or listening to his 2 million songs he has on his computer. Okay it's not quite 2 million but he is working on it slowly but surely.

This weekend was really nice. We had the entire house to ourselves this weekend. My son went and stayed over at my sister's house to hang out with my nephew.

So what did Michael and I do? Well I would tell you but then I would have to kill you for fear you would tell everyone..... Kidding.... Or am I???

Doesn't that make it sound like we did all sorts of top secret things?? **snicker** Maybe we were?

Seriously, we did what made us happy which is simply spend time with each other. We do that anyway all of the time but it always a little more special when there are no other voices around.

So we ended up pretty much having an unlimited movie watching weekend. Here is the run down...

The Departed.... Great movie with Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Wahlburg.

Superman Returns.... I wasn't sure how this one would be considering there was no Christopher Reeves but I actually liked it. Okay someone at work told this joke the other day and even though it's in the extreme realm of bad taste, I am going to post it anyway.

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeves? ***Starting in with the Jeopardy Music*** and the answer is.... What is Christopher Walken?? Okay.... Okay bad joke but funny as hell :) Christopher Walken! You get it right???

Deja Vu.... This movie was a trip! It went in places I really didn't think it would!

The Fast and the Furious, Tokyo Drift.... I love watching movies with great driving. Maybe it's because I know deep inside that I could drive just like that. Hell what am I talking about? I can see myself behind the wheel of a Nascar that's how much I love to drive!

And how can I forget the shining star of all of the movies we watched???

The Death of a Cheerleader.... This incredible little tale was the workings of the Lifetime Movie Network and stars Kelly Martin and Tori Spelling. If I tell you about the movie it will give it away so I will put it this way, Tori Spelling plays a character named Stacy Lockwood who is the type of person who is very popular in school because her family has money and because she is a mean bitch. She spends her time making fun of others to make herself look good. Kelly Martin plays Angela Delvecchio. Poor Angela has it bad. She is not popular and not the most beautiful girl in the world and her ambition is to simply be popular and well liked so she chooses Stacy to model her life after and tries to become her friend until things go horribly wrong! Now I cannot divulge anything else here because it would give it away. Just know this movie is based on a true story and will leave you going "Wow! So this is what happens when you are a mega bitch to those less fortunate than yourself!" I decided to do a little research on the story and found out the real names of people were Kristen Costas "Stacey Lockwood" and Bernadette Prutti, "Angela Delvecchio". Damn peer pressure is a fucking bitch! If you care to read the actual story, click here.

See with me going on this little verbal rampage, I now must tell you that I am an addict. That's right. I am addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network. They always sucker me in with their movies based on real facts. Hell just the other day, I was watching "Small Sacrifices" which is the story of psycho crazy lady Diane Downs who kills her children to get a man. Fucking Loon! And who stars as Diane Downs you may ask? Farrah Fawcett! It's such a good movie that I actually recorded it so I could watch it again. I am soooooooo pathetic!

And what is on my television screen right now? Try the Lifetime Movie Network! And what movie is on you may be wondering? "When Andrew Came Home". This is a movie about a child who comes home after being kidnapped by his abusive father for 5 years.

See how bad this is? I seriously need some help! I cannot even begin to tell you how much of my life has been spent staring at the flickering light box, aka the television, completely immersed in the world of Lifetime Movies. If I sat here and really thought about it, I could probably come up with a list of a couple hundred movies I know I have watched but that wouldn't compare to a list I could make if I could remember them all.

Oh GOD! Why hast thou forsaken me? Why hast thou brought forth LMN into my life?

So I guess I have to do a 12 step program or something. I need to get up to the podium in front of everyone and say it just like this.

"Hello everyone... My name is Chalice and I am a Lifetime movie addict. It all began some 5 years ago while working at my best friend NaughtyVoyeur's house. NV allowed me to watch her satellite television while I worked and it was because of this, that slowly but surely, I became addicted to the Lifetime Movie Network. It started off relatively slow. Just a movie here and there but then it became an every day thing. I had to get my Movie fix. I had to see who was going to die or what severe ailment one had just so I could make it through my day. It's to the point where I turn that station on when I get up daily just to see what is going to be on and whether or not I should record something while I am at work. There have even been weekends where I went on binges of doing nothing but watching movie after movie after movie. So I say this, 'Lifetime Movie Network, you may think you have won but you have not! I refuse to allow my life to be overrun by you and your made-for-tv movies anymore! No more will I watch movies about Death, Rape, Who is the Daddy, I have Scleroderma, My daughter is a prostitute, I want to dance so bad I gave myself Bulemia, I am not pretty and popular so its everyone else's fault, My husband killed my daughter because he has Multiple Personality Disorder, Someone stole my baby and we got blamed when it was all an elaborate baby buying scheme and I killed for a man! That's right Lifetime! You will not have me as your Movie-Watching Slave anymore!' Well wait, there is a good one on now so I will check back with all of you later and fill you in on my progress of beating this nasty addiction!"

And that is when I run for the door, jump into my car and head home to veg out on my couch and curl up with a good movie! Does anyone have any popcorn? I think I am running out!

So can anyone help save me from the Beast that is "The Lifetime Movie Network"??? That's right I called it the beast! I think we have found the identity of the Anti-Christ!

Back At The Daily Whatever...

I was looking forward to going back to work. I really was. You know how it is when you have been ill and stuck in the house, doing anything is a welcome relief. The one who owns my heart knows this all too well, even more so than I myself know it.

So here I was, happy to be going back right? I really was! That is until I got there. It's like hell unleashed it's furry at my desk as a nice welcome back present! Gee.. Thanks Satan!

Aside from every single report I do being wrong and the new work I have, I guess its not so bad. I loathe time constraints and now I have way too many. Deadlines... Deadlines... Deadlines...

Hey Satan! Did I say thanks??? Ughhhhhhhhh!

It was nice to see everyone again. I came back just in time to see my sister tell the Vice President of the company to go fuck himself. Now that was some entertainment! You have to understand how my sister is. It's not surprising by any means and the boss, who I have dubbed, The Little General, completely had it coming. By the end of it all, he was begging her not to leave. Its fun to watch power hungry people back peddle. Kinda makes you smile when they get put in their place :)

So I am back to the daily grind. Its going to be busy but at least I am feeling a lot better. I am still having my moments but its nothing like it was.

I am a little sad this morning. Anyone who really knows me understands how much of a football fan I am. Well Lamar Hunt, the owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, died after a long battle with cancer. Rest in Peace Lamar....

Okay you gotta tell me.... What do you think of my new header? Is that fucking cool or what? I love it so much! And that is compliments of my baby. Why he loves me so much, I will never know :) Thank you Michael!

Have a wonderful day everyone!