To Feel Special

The hardest thing about being in a relationship is remembering to always keep the fire burning and alive. Always give that person a simple reminder that they are in your life because you want them there but most of all, because you love them.

Reminders are simple. They don't have to cost money. I am not talking about going out and buying presents like jewelry or roses. There are so many small things you can do which only require thought and everyone knows putting thought into something means so much more than buying something.

I love My Michael. Last night he sat down on the couch with me and painted my toenails. It made me feel so special and loved. It was a sweet and simple way of saying 'Hey! I love you!' What could be better than that?

He did a fantastic job too!!!

Remember, things done for someone with nothing more than your time and thought mean more to someone than anything else in the world. :)

Michael and I always try to do these types of things for each other. The countless love letters and Poetry we have written to each other speaks volumes. The millions of 'I Love You's' scribbled on a piece of paper and slipped to each other when they weren't expecting it could wallpaper a room. Once I even made him a word find filled with words representing the both of us. And how much did any of this cost??? NOTHING except time and energy :)

And one more thought, never forget to smile.....

Love is fantastic so never take it for granted! Always do the simple things and that love will last a lifetime and beyond....

I 'Heart' Lots of Stuff

It's been awhile since I have posted anything at all so I thought, What the hell....Do one now! Oh and I started a new blog, so I hope I am forgiven for not keeping this one up to speed. If you wanna check it out, click here: Nothing But Funny Commercials.

Does the world stop when someone doesn't post for awhile? Nope it doesn't. But I remember blogging at least once a day for months and having avid readers and then I stopped. I am still amazed at the amount of people who will still come to my blog even though I don't post alot anymore. So let me say, Thank You and I am sorry....


You know what? I 'Heart' Cooking. But lately it has been so ungodly hot that the last thing I want to do is turn on my oven. I am seriously having withdrawls too. I think Blu is going to wither away before long. ***sigh*** Poor guy. I feel like I have been neglecting him. But if I tried to turn the oven on he would probably yell at me because of the electricity bill. Can't blame him there..... Oh no! A Revelation! I need to go to Culinary Arts School...





I 'Heart' Popcorn. Today I am craving popcorn. Really freakin' buttery popcorn from a movie theater. Damn... I think my mouth is actually watering. How sad is that?? Why can't I have one of those huge theater popcorn machines here at home? I would be in heaven! Oh and I would have a completely enormous ass. Look at me? I have lost a ton of weight and now I am talking about having something like that in my house... SAD!!! But I still want one Damn It!





I 'Heart' Movies. So now I am having a love affair with Blockbuster. We signed up for the Blockbuster Online and I am officially obsessed and in love. We have movies all of the time. It's so cool only paying $15 a month and getting to watch a ton of movies. What could be better? New stuff. Old stuff. Doesn't matter. We never pay for anything. They send them to us and we take them to the store for more free ones and while we are watching those they send us more. Do you have any idea how cheap this service is? I mean you walk into a Blockbuster and just to rent a movie is $4.95. Gimme a break! Damn I love this service! Did I say that I love this service???





I 'Heart' Creepy Movies. I realize that is pretty much what I said above but I have to tell you, we have watched some rather intense movies lately. If you have not heard of Hard Candy, I suggest you watch it. Well if you are into psychological thrillers and crazy people. Ever since I saw this movie a week ago, I can't quit telling people about it. This movie will take you to a place you never imagined you could go. The only thing I will say about the movie because I don't want to give it away is this: Internet Predator and a 14 year old girl! Yikes!

I 'Heart' Swimming Pools. Literally right outside our door is an inground pool! Do you know how much I love that? We did a lot of swimming the last few days. Especially since its been so damn hot. I mean today alone the temperature is supposed to be 99 degrees with a heat index of 110 degrees. Crap. Who needs a stove when I can go outside and cook on the sidewalk?? Now watching Blu, my son and my nephew doing crazy dives off the side of the pool is fun!!! It's all about who can make the biggest splash while posing. I need to take my camera next time. Everything from the Captain Morgan to the Model or the Monk. Yep, I need to pictures.


I 'Heart' Funny Stuff. I am refering to some of the forwards I get in my email. Check these out! This is called 'Time's When You Should Never Hyphenate Your Name'

Now it's time to get ready for work!!! Have a most wonderful day everyone!

xoxoxox

Chalice

Just gotta Vent a little...

Today I am drained. Today I am mentally and physically exhausted. Today I am.....

Have you ever had to just sit and silently deal with an illness while feeling completely helpless and useless?

This past week has been a little rough on my Michael and today is no exception. A few nights ago Michael became extremely sick for several hours. He got over it a day later but this morning he awoke with that same feeling of weakness and nausea. We had to work this morning so we got up, left and made the 40 minute trek. About 45 minutes after we got there he became incredibly sick and began vomiting again. This bout continued until just a few minutes ago. So we had another round of 4 hours of nothing but getting sick.

All I could do was sit back, watch, hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair and get him anything he needed.

I hate that.... I hate it SO much....

This morning was tough because every time he gets sick it scares me tremendously. Normally, I handle it really well. I take care of him and I do it because I love him dearly. But this morning, I broke down. I seriously broke down and cried.

It's hard watching him go through this knowing there is nothing that I can do to magically make it go away or even take it on myself so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course he would tell you himself he would never wish this disease upon even his worst enemy, but I would still take away his pain if I could. His poor body has been raked over the coals for years and in all honesty, its truly taking its toll. Don't get me wrong, Michael is in very good shape for someone living with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus. But this disease has really done a number on him.

Diabetic Neuropathy.... Nerve Damage.... I think this is the worst part of the disease. Just from watching Michael over the last few months I truly believe this is what makes his condition so unbearable. Diabetes causes severe complications with the nerve receptors in the body making it difficult to cope with everyday things whether it be loud noises, having too many people around or just being able to sense if his blood sugar levels are too high or too low.

You see, when he gets sick....HE REALLY GETS SICK!!! The vomiting is almost always very violent and uncontrollable for several hours and this morning was no exception. I can deal with watching him get sick and cleaning up after it all but what got to me this morning was simply wondering why this has to happen to him.

It's unfair. It's so completely unfair. He is such a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve this. I know, no one does but I guess when it hits so close to home that Diabetes becomes something so much more than just a word or an illness. It's very real and it's very scary. It's debilitating. It's life changing. It's inconvenient. It's terminal. To be very blunt, it's a slow painful death. And that is something he will tell you himself.

I want to make it very well known that Michael is truly the strongest person I have ever known, not only physically but mentally as well. And when I see him get sick it kills me inside as it does him. Michael does not ever like to feel or appear weak because that is not who he is but this fucking disease drains him. It exhausts him. It takes from him and that is what hurts the most.

I hate this disease but at the same time, it is a part of him. It makes him who he is and that is just a spectacular human being who looks at life as we all should. All Michael wants out of his life is happiness and love and nothing more. As long as he wakes every day and takes a breath he knows he has accomplished something monumental and that is being able to live.

Michael is my hero and my personal guardian angel. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him and I never will. How we ever came sweeping into each others lives I will never know and honestly I don't care. It happened and that is all that matters. We love each other and we are happy. That is what life is all about.

My love for you is a journey;
Starting at forever,
And ending at never.
~ by Anonymous ~

I realize this is long winded but today I just needed to vent. I needed to just get it all out because this disease of his takes it toll on all of us and if I kept it all in he would kick me for it. He always says that if you need to vent then do it because keeping it in does no one any good at all. He is right. He is so right.

I WANT..... And I LOVE.....

I was sitting around yesterday looking at my bedroom and it just looks so plain. You see since moving I really don't have much on my walls and believe it or not I use to really not care about that stuff. Maybe I should rephrase that a bit, I didn't care too much about items hanging on my bedroom walls but the rest of the house I always had things up.

Anyway, my bed is black metal and I love it sooooo much. It's dark and pretty all at the same time. Well my mother had bought me these 2 small wrought iron Candelabra's and I am going to hang them in the room but they are rather small so yesterday I started thinking about how wonderful the internet is and how I could probably find something I would really love to hang right over my bed...




So now I am in love.... OH My GOD!!! There are only 2 things I would do differently and that is there would be more black in these items and secondly, they would actually hold tealight candles instead of lights. Oh yeah, there is one more thing.. I would NOT make them $450!!!! YIKES!!! I guess I need to put my skills I actually learned from taking a year of shop class to work (yes I actually took shop class and even made things out of wrought iron.....I know...Surprising right???)

Now I do realize that by posting this stuff my total girly side is coming out. Wait! Or is it my age.... UGHHHHHH......

Anyway, Michael thinks he is now going to go broke from me wanting stuff like this... Geez, what a whiner! *snicker*

Regardless, those are fucking awesome :)

Now I was at BarDouble's Blog and she listed a few things she loves so I thought I would just take a second to list a few things I just love to pieces...

• Sitting near the ocean or lake at night when the moon is out and reflecting off the water.
• Walking in the rain with my face upwards smiling.
• The smell of clean clothes when they come out of the dryer.
• The sound of thunder crashing during a storm.
• Singing loudly to one of my favorite love songs while driving in my car.
• Being hugged up on the couch next to Michael while watching a movie.
• The way 600 thread count sheets feel when you first put them on the bed after coming out of the dryer. SOOOOO SOFT!
• The way Michael looks at me every single day.
• Drifting off in a good book.
  
• My son's laughter.
• The changing leaves during Autumn.
  
• MY Life :)

And what is it that you love...???

Memories..

While digging through somethings in my basement, I ran across my old diary. I cannot even tell you how long it has been since I have laid my eyes upon it.

This morning I pulled it out and just read.

So many memories I had forgotten about.

Some good.

Some bad.

Much of the written words were filled with a heartache that even brought a tear to my eye today.

I know I tend to write about all of the funny and crazy things I did while growing up but I never share any of the bad. I think its because its easier to block out the bad and pretend none of it existed even though I realize both the good and the bad made me who I am today. Does that make any sense at all?

One of the things I found in here were some of my poetry. I knew some of it was there but there were even a few I had forgotten about.

I Wish...

I wish I were a butterfly
Floating
Aimless and free
Radiating beauty near and far

I wish I were a bird
Flying
Stealthy and quick
Illuminated by the bright sunlight

I wish I were a black panther
Hunting
Strong and fierce
Doing what I need to survive

I wish I could make myself see
I am…
The Butterfly
The Bird
The Black Panther
All encompassed into one



Caged..

Don’t ever let me go
Don’t ever let me fall
Deep within I am scared
Trying to break down this wall

It won’t budge
I’m locked, caged inside
Screaming to get out
No longer wanting to hide

Please help me
Please bring me the key
Open up the gate
This pain I have to flee

Give me your love
Lend me your heart
I need you so bad
Don’t let me fall apart

Blah Blah

Lately Michael has talked about drawing a blank when it comes to thinking of something to post. Unfortunately, I seem to be having the same problem. Not sure why. Maybe its the weather. Yeah that sounds good. Let me blame it on the fact its 2 degrees outside at this very second and I feel like I am chilled to the core of my soul. (Okay Sirdar, I know its probably 50 degrees below zero up there where you are but still.... I'm cold damn it!)

I have not done much in the way of exciting lately. I am going to have to change that pretty quickly too because with it being so cold and not wanting to go outside and do anything, cabin fever is going to set in.

So last night I come home from work and what I ended up doing was playing in Photoshop. Now I really don't know very much about the program but I have picked up a few things here and there.

Anyway, here is something I was messing around with last night...




I am not sure what I was going for here but I liked it so what the hell...

Then after all of the playing we sat down and watched SAW2 last night. Nothing says spending quality time together like a slasher movie :)

Winter Is Finally Coming

I love the fact that recently the temperatures around here have been so warm you haven't even needed a jacket. In fact, my son was in shorts the other day. Usually you wouldn't be dressing like that in late November. Today the high was in the 70's with a strong wind. It was just beautiful today!

Well its time for a change because we are now in a Winter Storm Watch. Its amazing how quickly a good thing can diminish!!! They are expecting snow and ice over the next 36 hours which really makes me cringe. As much as I love looking at the stuff, driving in it and shoveling it is a completely different story. Thank GOD for my SUV!!! It gets around so good so I am not worried about driving but that doesn't make it any better.

If this were happening on the weekend, I would be fine because then I would have no reason what-so-ever to leave my house and even venture out in the stuff. But considering I do have to go to work during the week while all of this is going on, I have no choice. ***sigh*** Oh how I would prefer to just stay locked indoors under the sheets watching good movies!!! You know I would occasionally venture out just to slide down the hill in front of my house because that is just too much fun, even if it means breaking my ankle again. But NOPE!!! Gotta work!

The only good thing about ice storms is how beautiful everything is but that's all. Everything sparkles when coated with a nice sheet of ice. Its like diamonds! Sometimes its so bright its blinding. But when you lose your power because the tree branches are too heavy to take the weight and it snaps your power lines, life becomes no fun at all. And we are due for a major ice storm this year considering its been quite awhile since we have had one. I have noticed they usually happen about every 3 years so its definitely time.


I found this a few years ago. Its called the Ice Storm Diet.


Breakfast:

Muffin (or the portion of the muffin) which hasn't yet begun to mold
Cereal with milk (slightly sour if kept inside,completely frozen if kept outside)
Any fruit that hasn't started to smell funny
Tea or coffee which takes half an hour to make on the woodstove but hey, it's sort of hot.
Toast burned in the woodstove, and marmalade (if you are courageous enough to ignore the warning: "keep refrigerated after opening...")


Lunch:

Any of the above listed for breakfast.
Sandwiches made from anything in a can (you might have to fight the cat for it)
Scrambled eggs (see time required for tea/coffee)
Bacon from the neighbour's freezer (test it on the cat first )
Forfar cheese. Not the cottage cheese though - that went the way of the milk.


Dinner:

Any of the above
Canned soup, canned meatballs, canned spaghetti. ...etc - just rip the label off, plop it on the woodstove and wait...and wait...and wait... stir once in a while...
Cooked meat from your outdoor freezer (aka the snow on the deck) wrap it in foil and stick it in the fire - really gets that "smoked" flavour
Canned veggies, canned fruit etc.
Salad made from those dubious veggies stored in the coldest room in the house
Spam!!! Be sure to sing the appropriate Monty Python tune.

So Winter.... It appears you have decided to make your appearance after all and it seems you are coming with a vengeance!!! Welcome anyway!!! But please be kind :)

Michael, are you sure you are ready for all of this???

Lightning Crashes

What a great morning! I woke up feeling so good today and I think part of it is the thunder and lightning. For the first time in quite a while we actually had some storms in the middle of the night. I awoke to a loud boom and then just lied there for awhile listening and watching the flashes out my window while lying in bed.

I love Storms.... I love Thunder.... But I really LOVE Lightning!