Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts

Thursday

Update on Blu

Well another day is gone and another day he is still in the hospital. As it turns out he has a pretty bad staph infection so they are pumping him up on all sorts of stuff to try and get rid of it all.

For those of you unfamiliar with diabetes, when someone with this disease gets an infection, it takes them 5 times as long for there body to rid itself of it and that usually requires help such as medication.

Michael is still in a lot of pain but he is going to be fine. I know he is sick and tired of being stuck in the hospital and that I understand. It's uncomfortable. You have no privacy and it tends to be loud. Every time he tries to sleep in walks someone to poke and prod at him. It sucks and its no fun.

The pain killers they are giving him only work so much and that bothers me because I can just see how badly he hurts. If I could take it all away, I would do it without a second thought...

I have stayed with him as late as I can each night to keep him company as he is incredibly bored. I look in his eyes and I just see and feel the frustration and it breaks my heart.

He has only been here a month and is in the hospital. How is that for a Welcome To Kansas City for you???

He is looking forward to coming home soon... Hopefully this weekend but it just depends on how well his body responds to the medication. I am missing him around here like crazy. Now that he is here with me every second he is gone just eats at me.

Now I am off to bed. I am exhausted :)

Take care everyone and have a good night!

Tuesday

Giggles and Fights

...my eyes are puffy...

...my brain is mushy...

Being overly exhausted is never fun! I can hear my bed screaming my name from the other room but I just can't jump in it at the moment. If I do, I will be up in the middle of the night and I can't have that.

Wait.. The pillows and blankets have joined in..... They are singing the "come to bed" song...

See, lack of sleep causes you to become insane :) The minute you hear your bedroom summoning you, you know you have issues!

At least I am giddy! Right now everything is funny!

I remember being a kid. My sisters and I (I have 2 younger sisters, Cindy and Maggie) would drive our parents crazy by getting the uncontrollable giggles. My mother would get so pissed off but there was nothing she could do to stop us. The more she yelled, begged, pleaded, threaten or whatever for us to stop, it only got worse. You would have thought after it happening so frequently should would have just given up but she never did.

Funny thing is my sister and I still do that on occasion. Only this time we torture our co-workers instead of our mother. There has been a time or two I have tortured Blu with the giggles. Makes me wonder whats going through his mind when I get like that... Hmmmm???? **pondering**

Okay done pondering...

It always seemed that we managed to get the giggles when we were all locked in the car going somewhere as a family. All mom could do was turn around and say, "Damn it Girls! Knock that shit off!"

Dad would just sit there, driving, trying to ignore us. But after a while of hearing our mother yell at us you would see dad's face turn red and then he would puff his cheeks out while clinching the steering wheel. He would grip it so hard you could almost see his knuckles turning white. Within a minute of two of that you would see him start looking at us with the death glare in the rear-view mirror. And when that didn't work, he would threaten to take us all home.

That would only work for so long because then we would giggle with our mouths locked shut and our faces cracking huge smiles. We were laughing so hard our stomachs and faces would hurt like hell. Let's face it, once the giggling started, it had to wear itself off. It just couldn't be turned off.

And God forbid we look at each other while this is going on. That would cause all sorts of chaos! The laughter would break loose and it was then we knew we were in for it.

Sadly, my father was forced to live with 4 women. He had no sons. He was cursed with daughters. **sigh** I look back now and realize we should have eased up on the poor guy!

But when you are young that is the last thing you think about. You don't realize how hard it was on the guy. I should apologize shouldn't I????

I mean he had to deal with bitchy moods, constant arguing and fighting, multiple periods (yes I am referring to that monthly visit from aunt flow), boys calling the house at all hours of the night. The sassy, know it all attitudes should have sent him to the funny farm but he survived! What a trooper!

The fights I had with my sisters were always huge. I was the oldest and pretty much kicked ass whenever I felt the need. It seemed we always fought the most when the parental units were gone and they were pretty much out of control.

There was a day when all 3 of us got into it. We were screaming at each other. Every single 4 letter word we could articulate came flying out like baseballs from a pitching machine. Then came the hitting and hair pulling. Cindy got so pissed at Maggie that while Maggie was standing there in a towel after getting out the shower, she ripped the towel from her and threw her outside the front door and locked it. Maggie stood out there screaming and banging to get in while Cindy blocked me from the door to keep me from letting Maggie in. I ended up getting ahold of Cindy and finally tossing her out of the way and got the door open for Maggie. The damage was already done. Maggie was horrified. Poor girl was crying so hard I thought she would hyperventilate. Cindy thought it was funny so then I had to beat her ass.... **sigh**

Once, I punched Cindy in the gut so hard once she went flying back into a bean bag chair. Her eyes then rolled back in her head where you could only see the whites of her eyes, lost her breath and then threw up. Then she didn't move. I kept reaching out and shaking her shoulder. I refused to touch her anywhere else because of the vomit all over the place (come on...what sister wants to touch that stuff even if she was the one who caused it???) but she still didn't move. It freaked me out so bad that I went upstairs and told my parents I thought I killed her. My mom about lost her mind on that one.

Cindy got back at me a few years later. I had just finished getting ready to go out with my friends. I had showered, done my hair and make up. Put on some really kick ass clothes. Damn I was ready to go and do some damage! Well Cindy said something I didn't like as I was getting ready to walk up the stairs so I went chasing after her. She made it to the kitchen, grabbed the Dishwashing liquid off the sink, turned around and squeezed it at me just as I made it to the top of the stairs. That shit first hit my hair. Back then the thing was to have big hair so when that stuff hit it, my hair flattened but only it one part so it looked like I had a reverse Mohawk. Then it ran down my face, ruining my make-up and getting in my eyes and coated my clothes. It took hours to get my eyes to stop stinging. Needless to say, I didn't make it out that night. For the longest time you could see where the carpet was stained from the dishwashing liquid hitting it. Nothing like seeing ugly green shaggy carpet with a huge trail of Palmolive all over it.

Damn those were the days.... I think I may just go to work tomorrow and punch Cindy for kicks.... :)

From reading this you would probably think we hate each other but in reality, we are all very very close and the best of friends :) I love my sisters...

Thursday

Dueling Computers

Okay since Blu has blessed my life with his magnificent presence things have been more than incredible.

Right now the two of us are sitting in the living room, each at our own computers. It's kinda funny. He is filling my head with all of the music he has crammed onto his machine and I love it :)

I wish you could see him in his Stewie's Sexy Party lounge pants. **snicker**

I am having so much fun right now. Here it is Midnight and I have to get up in 6 hours and I can't even begin to fathom the idea of sleep right now. I'm afraid if I do I will miss something and I don't wanna miss a thing or a moment or anything else for that matter...

So.......Until I post some crazy ass story tomorrow night I shall say this... Night Everyone!

Tuesday

To See What Everyone Else Sees...

Reflections of Me...

The darkened night sky fell fast upon me

as I stood there, gazing down
at the reflection in the pond, wondering
who was staring back at me?

The descending night played tricks upon the water
I could swear I saw an angel, with wings
and a halo, or was it a goddess
reigning supreme, staring back at me?

It wasn't the me that I see everyday
nor even the one that I see in my head
this was the me that everyone else sees
the one that to which I seem to be blind

Except for this moment of timeless
recognition, the kind that will last
til the next precognition
of self

~Brenda Barnhart


I have stumbled across a few blogs lately which have been full of self-reflection. Its a good thing. Everyone should take the time to find out who they truly are. You should be able to look into the mirror and not just see the reflection, but to know exactly who is staring back at you. If you don't like what you see then it's time to change but how you do it, is up to you...

I posted the poem simply as a reminder. I found it long ago and loved what it said. Now I am sharing it with you.... It's a reminder to always be true to yourself and you can never go wrong.

I think the lack of sleep lately has got my brain working overtime. Too bad it doesn't get paid because I would be sitting on a goldmine right now :)

Monday

Nothing But Mindless Babble

I really have nothing of importance to say today so this will probably be mindless babble. But what is so wrong with mindless babble? Other than some people may not want to read it is there really anything wrong with it, right?

I still feel like shit. I have been taking some drugs off and on today to kill the damn fever I have been battling since yesterday. It's made me a little giddy at times, well in between bouts of wanting to just pass out, that is.

I really hated missing another day of work since it means less pay for each day I miss. What to do?? What to do?? I am in some serious pain (which is part of the reason I have been taking the drugs) so going to work today would not have been a good thing. Needless to say, I wouldn't have been very productive. But when I think about it, I really wonder if they even would have noticed. Probably not. I have one of those jobs where if you look busy they pretty much assume you are busy. They still don't pay me enough to go in and pretend so I chose to stay close to my bed with all its nicely soft sheets and blankets and my overly comfortable pillows :)

I did talk to the dr's office and they are raising their eyebrows a little bit after I told them everything that is going on with me. So they are now putting me on even more medication. I hate medicine. During a conversation with my favorite person in the world today we decided it would probably be a good idea to take out some stock from one of these companies. Why not? Why not get some of the money I am putting in their pockets back? I think its a truly spectacular idea :) I can almost smell the money now....

I am so tired. Why? I haven't done a damn thing in the past 6 days so why am I so tired? They say you can be more tired from doing nothing than if you really busted your ass and I am beginning to believe it. I know.... I know.... Blah Blah Blah... Whine to someone else right???

I think I have watched about every single episode of Animal Planet's "The Most Extreme" they have ever made. Now that is a quality show. You learn so many things from shows like this. Did you know the Tasmanian Devil gives birth to about 50 babies at a time??? I love babies but I would lose my mind... But here is the kicker, only 4 of those will survive because the others will starve to death. Nice parenting skills! Not to mention that those 4 will try to kill each other off as mom just settles back and watches the death matches unfold. That is until she tires of it and leaves.

***sigh***

Okay I am about babbled out. My mind is not wanting to process anything else today so I think I will cooperate with it and just give in. Why fight it? It doesn't feel like thinking so why try and force it? I would hate to piss it off and have it go on strike or something. Some how I don't think that would be good.

Sunday

And Where is My Blanket???

It's official. I am completely out of it today.

I honestly thought is was because of not getting much sleep this past week but today is a bit different. Since yesterday, okay you who are squeamish, and you know who you are NV, do not read any further if you don't wanna hear it okay??? Anyway, the incision they made in my belly button during surgery is really quite gross. The amount of nastiness coming out of it is really making me nauseous. Not to mention that I am really cramping like crazy again. I was fine the last couple of days and now, its back like a kick to the face with a golf shoe. OH WHY!!!!

Now I thought I might have been running a temperature so I checked it and its currently 100. Fuck... I really hate this stuff. I really need to go to work tomorrow but if this incision is infected and causing this, I should get it taken care of immediately. So I figure if I wake up tomorrow morning and its not any better then I will head back to the doc and see what he has to say.

The pain in my head right now makes me think I have accountants in my head cranking out numbers on one of those old adding machines.... I really thought I removed them from the payroll so what gives???

Where the hell is my blanket??? I am cold as hell here... Although I should just go back to bed and stay there. I need a remedy! Who can help me out??? Damn......................

Tickity Tock Goes The Damn Clock

can't sleep.
don't sleep.
won't sleep.
shan't sleep.
never sleep.
never sleep.
never sleep.
tick tock
tick tock
tickity tick
tock
tock
tock
the little hand drills a hole into my tired mind.
can't
tick
don't
tock
won't
tick
shan't
tock
never
tick
never
tock
never sleep
the clock keeps ticking
as my mind struggles to keep up
too many ticks.
too many tocks.
the clock's too loud
it echos through the silent night
too many thoughts
all at once
i need them on paper
scribble
tick
scribble
tock
that fucking clock
it never fucking stops
i cant fucking sleep.
a dog barks
tick
a car screeches
tock
a horse neighs...what?
i can't be that tired
i can't be hallucinating
i
can't
sleep.
don't sleep.
won't sleep.
shan't sleep.
never sleep.

i need a digital clock

Did you know that lack of sleep can drive you mad??????

Thursday

Ouch Ouch Ouch


Don't you just love the pain scale? I am thinkin' the last face needs to have it's mouth open screaming to really qualify for a 10 because off and on the last few hours that is exactly what it has been. I sucks when you cannot even cough because it hurts so bad. Sneezing is torture and just getting up and walking is a chore in itself.

A lot of times I will say when I don't feel right that it's like I have been run over by a truck. Then there is the occasional time when I say not only did I get run over by the truck but then it was slammed in reverse and backed right back over me. But off and on since I got home, its more like the truck hit me, backed up, hit me again but stayed on top of me spinning it's wheels as fast as it can and then repeated by whole process over and over until it ran out of gas. And since it ran out of gas, its still parked on top of me........ughhhhh... I'm okay at the moment because my Vicodin pills have kicked in pretty good. (Okay if I have to use the pain scale, I would say its a 6 right now.) I hate using this stuff but considering how I have been feeling, I'm not even giving it a second thought when I am slamming them down my throat.

The surgery of mine went well. My Doc went in and did everything he needed to do and even found a few things more than he anticipated finding. The funny thing is he took pictures while he was using the scope and I am supposed to get a set of them at my next visit so this should be interesting. Nothing like seeing your insides in full color.

I didn't really want to disclose the details of why I had surgery so I will just say "female stuff" and that should cover it. I will also say that I have little cysts and tumors galore that will not be removed at this time. My doctor wants to try some different things before resorting to that so we will see. I am up for anything as long as the situation gets under control and I can function normally again. I have felt so bad off and on for the last few months that I am just about willing to consent to anything to make it all stop. Notice I said just about anything. There are a few things I want to avoid but if it comes down to me having no choice in the end, well then so be it. I just want to make sure everything has been tried before I step back into an operating room for some major surgery.

Right now I am exhausted. I keep going to sleep for a couple of hours and then waking up because of being completely uncomfortable. And these Vicodin pills are inducing so really crazy dreams. It almost seems like the entire time I am sleep I am dreaming which is making me a little insane. I would love to have some nice, restful deep sleep without my mind working overtime. I would stop taking the pills but I need to get this pain under control first. I know its going to get better but it will be a few days.

I think I am going to make another attempt at getting that sleep now. I need it so bad.

Take care everyone and have a good day...

Tuesday

Would I Sell My Soul

Would I sell my soul for some sleep right now? That's a good question. I am so tired I cannot even see straight. I was up all damn night last night. It was yet another round of the tossing and turning Olympics. I think I won the Gold Medal again. Damn I'm gettin' pretty good.... And that's not something I want to be good at...

My son stayed home from school yesterday with a horrid headache and sometime in the middle of the night last night it all turned into a stomach thing. He was literally up and in the bathroom most of the night so he will be at home again today.

I am off the rest of the week once I finish my work day today. My surgery is scheduled for noon tomorrow. I won't lie.... I am truly scared to death. Not necessarily about the procedure itself but about being put under. I just hate the idea of being completely gone by way of anesthetic. That stuff makes me very very nervous.

So needless to say, my mind is all over the place and I am having a hell of a time relaxing. But once this is over with I should be okay. Its just getting it done and over with thats driving me bonkers.

Well its time to head to hell.... oops, I mean work...

Have a great day everyone.

Monday

Disturbed Sleep

To say I couldn't sleep last night would be an understatement. It's more like I won the Gold Medal in the tossing and turning Olympics.

I have way to much on my mind lately. Anticipation of this impending surgery on Wednesday has got me a little anxious and waiting on Michael to come home is driving me completely insane.

I almost got up and took something to help me sleep around 2 this morning but then changed my mind when I realized how overly tired I would be from not getting enough rest while taking something meant to knock my ass out.

Basically, I can't win in the world of sleep lately... I am still contemplating the whole idea of pulling a Seinfeld and building a nap area under my desk at work. Today could just be the day that idea takes shape.... Do you think the bosses will even notice if I show up in pj's with a pillow and blanket???