Curing Boredom on a Sunday Morning

So here it is on a Sunday morning and I am doing not much of anything spectacular. So why not just babble on here right?????

Yesterday we had our bonfire at my aunt's house and it was actually quite a bit of fun. I will post some pictures as soon as I get them all sorted out. There was lots of beer drinking and fishing going on. Not to mention the beautiful fire itself. All in all, it was a really good time.

This morning I had a revelation. Anyone that knows me understands how much I absolutely adore horror movies. Especially all of the old ones. So what did I do today? I sat down and created a desktop for the month of October. Halloween, afterall, is like Christmas to me.

So what do you think?? It's an ode to all of those cheesy movies I love so much. Eventually, I would love to have a room in my home filled with nothing but old movie posters. How cool would that be? I love the dramatic use of colors they used when creating these pieces of art.

Besides what is not to love in these old classics? Who cares about special effects when you have overacting at it's best. The faces! The screams of sheer terror! Damn I am starting to quiver just thinking about it and it makes me wanna dig out my collection and start watching :)

Check out this list of old classics I have:

• 1959 - A Bucket of Blood
• 1960 - Little Shop of Horrors
• 1963 - The Terror
• 1960 - The Wasp Woman
• 1939 - The Gorilla
• 1941 - The Devil Bat
• 1939 - The Human Monster
• 1941 - The Invisible Ghost
• 1943 - The Ape Man
• 1962 - Carvnival of Souls
• 1940 - Chamber of Horrors
• 1924 - The Last Man of Earth
• 1932 - White Zombie
• 1958 - House on Haunted Hill
• 1961 - Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory
• 1973 - Don't Look in the Basement

I found this on YouTube and thought everyone would enjoy. It's the original 1932 movie White Zombie staring Bela Lugosi who happens to be my all-time favorite horror movie actor! So get your popcorn, something to drink then kick back and become submersed!

Have a great rest of your weekend everyone!

Memories..

While digging through somethings in my basement, I ran across my old diary. I cannot even tell you how long it has been since I have laid my eyes upon it.

This morning I pulled it out and just read.

So many memories I had forgotten about.

Some good.

Some bad.

Much of the written words were filled with a heartache that even brought a tear to my eye today.

I know I tend to write about all of the funny and crazy things I did while growing up but I never share any of the bad. I think its because its easier to block out the bad and pretend none of it existed even though I realize both the good and the bad made me who I am today. Does that make any sense at all?

One of the things I found in here were some of my poetry. I knew some of it was there but there were even a few I had forgotten about.

I Wish...

I wish I were a butterfly
Floating
Aimless and free
Radiating beauty near and far

I wish I were a bird
Flying
Stealthy and quick
Illuminated by the bright sunlight

I wish I were a black panther
Hunting
Strong and fierce
Doing what I need to survive

I wish I could make myself see
I am…
The Butterfly
The Bird
The Black Panther
All encompassed into one



Caged..

Don’t ever let me go
Don’t ever let me fall
Deep within I am scared
Trying to break down this wall

It won’t budge
I’m locked, caged inside
Screaming to get out
No longer wanting to hide

Please help me
Please bring me the key
Open up the gate
This pain I have to flee

Give me your love
Lend me your heart
I need you so bad
Don’t let me fall apart

Reality

Reality..

This is one of those words which is kind of like a double edged sword. Sometimes reality is good and sometimes it's bad. The only problem is you just never know which one is going to hit you at any given moment.

Today my reality is blurred.

Today my reality is not good.

Today my reality sucks.

Last night Michael and I were having a great time together. We sat and watched some TV and just enjoyed each others company. I love spending time with him. He always makes things fun and exciting. He has a unique perspective on life and everything in the world around him and that is one of the main reasons I fell head over heels in love with the man.

Around 9:30 last night Michael told me he was feeling nauseated and he felt like he could get sick. It concerned me a little bit because he hasn't been feeling very good since his move up here last month. Unfortunately, with him having diabetes I think the stress of the move and the change in climate has really done a number on my baby. We both feel as time passes it will get better.

However, a few minutes later he ended up getting sick. Now this is when I began to get a little more worried. I know how much he hates to get sick and I also know that does not happen very often.

And then he got sick again...

And again...

And again...

About an hour and a half later, after trying to do everything possible to stabilize him he begged me to call an ambulance. I did. At 11:15 last night the EMT's were in my home and basically telling him there was nothing they could do other than take him to the hospital.

Since the hospital is literally 3 blocks from my house, the EMT's helped get him into my car and off to the hospital we went.

Last night was scary for me. I know it was nothing compared to what Michael's body is going through but it was still scary. There was nothing I could do for him except try everything I possibly could to make him feel comfortable. The amount of pain he was in was unbearable. He was sweating so much from his body temperature fluctuating so much that his clothes looked as though he had gone swimming in them. The uncontrollable vomiting was so violent. After doing it so much everything that came up was nothing but blood.

I was lost. I couldn't help the one person in the world I love above everyone else. I had to sit there and watch. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad.

I think God is tired of hearing from me. I think he is tired of me begging to make him better. But guess what God? I am not going to stop.... I can't.... I need him well... He needs to be well....

I seriously do not know how much more his body can take. He has been through so much in his life and knowing this makes me worry all the more. Michael is strong. Oh my God he is unbelievably strong but his body???

Pretty much all I can say is they have decided to keep him. They have not told me what is going on with him as they really do not know themselves. I have been told there will be lots of testing he will be going through. When I know more I will post it here.

Please cross your fingers...say a prayer... whatever you can... He would never in a million years admit it, but he needs it....

To See What Everyone Else Sees...

Reflections of Me...

The darkened night sky fell fast upon me
as I stood there, gazing down
at the reflection in the pond, wondering
who was staring back at me?

The descending night played tricks upon the water
I could swear I saw an angel, with wings
and a halo, or was it a goddess
reigning supreme, staring back at me?

It wasn't the me that I see everyday
nor even the one that I see in my head
this was the me that everyone else sees
the one that to which I seem to be blind

Except for this moment of timeless
recognition, the kind that will last
til the next precognition
of self

~Brenda Barnhart


I have stumbled across a few blogs lately which have been full of self-reflection. Its a good thing. Everyone should take the time to find out who they truly are. You should be able to look into the mirror and not just see the reflection, but to know exactly who is staring back at you. If you don't like what you see then it's time to change but how you do it, is up to you...

I posted the poem simply as a reminder. I found it long ago and loved what it said. Now I am sharing it with you.... It's a reminder to always be true to yourself and you can never go wrong.

I think the lack of sleep lately has got my brain working overtime. Too bad it doesn't get paid because I would be sitting on a goldmine right now :)