Reality

Reality..

This is one of those words which is kind of like a double edged sword. Sometimes reality is good and sometimes it's bad. The only problem is you just never know which one is going to hit you at any given moment.

Today my reality is blurred.

Today my reality is not good.

Today my reality sucks.

Last night Michael and I were having a great time together. We sat and watched some TV and just enjoyed each others company. I love spending time with him. He always makes things fun and exciting. He has a unique perspective on life and everything in the world around him and that is one of the main reasons I fell head over heels in love with the man.

Around 9:30 last night Michael told me he was feeling nauseated and he felt like he could get sick. It concerned me a little bit because he hasn't been feeling very good since his move up here last month. Unfortunately, with him having diabetes I think the stress of the move and the change in climate has really done a number on my baby. We both feel as time passes it will get better.

However, a few minutes later he ended up getting sick. Now this is when I began to get a little more worried. I know how much he hates to get sick and I also know that does not happen very often.

And then he got sick again...

And again...

And again...

About an hour and a half later, after trying to do everything possible to stabilize him he begged me to call an ambulance. I did. At 11:15 last night the EMT's were in my home and basically telling him there was nothing they could do other than take him to the hospital.

Since the hospital is literally 3 blocks from my house, the EMT's helped get him into my car and off to the hospital we went.

Last night was scary for me. I know it was nothing compared to what Michael's body is going through but it was still scary. There was nothing I could do for him except try everything I possibly could to make him feel comfortable. The amount of pain he was in was unbearable. He was sweating so much from his body temperature fluctuating so much that his clothes looked as though he had gone swimming in them. The uncontrollable vomiting was so violent. After doing it so much everything that came up was nothing but blood.

I was lost. I couldn't help the one person in the world I love above everyone else. I had to sit there and watch. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad.

I think God is tired of hearing from me. I think he is tired of me begging to make him better. But guess what God? I am not going to stop.... I can't.... I need him well... He needs to be well....

I seriously do not know how much more his body can take. He has been through so much in his life and knowing this makes me worry all the more. Michael is strong. Oh my God he is unbelievably strong but his body???

Pretty much all I can say is they have decided to keep him. They have not told me what is going on with him as they really do not know themselves. I have been told there will be lots of testing he will be going through. When I know more I will post it here.

Please cross your fingers...say a prayer... whatever you can... He would never in a million years admit it, but he needs it....