Dating Fucking Sucks..

I was reading BarDouble29's post about dating and it got my brain going.

Dating is horrible.

Dating sucks..

It's like one long never ending job interview.

Frankly, I would rather have my foot caught in a bear trap and then try and free myself by gnawing off my limb rather than ever start over in the dating scene.

Sometimes you get lucky and the person you are on the date with is fun and interesting but then you get the crazy weirdo's. There is no happy medium in the dating world. It's either good or bad. It's never not bad...

Well her post got me thinking back to one creepy weirdo I got set up on a blind date with. At the time I was working at a rather large bank. I had been there several years and I worked in a small unit which had given me the opportunity to get to know my co-workers pretty closely. In fact, some of them were very good friends of mine.

A couple of these friends had decided they wanted to set me up on a blind date because it had been awhile since I had gone out with anyone. Frankly, I wasn't really interested in dating anyone. My son was very young and I just didn't have the desire or motivation but I agreed anyway.

I was told this man was very hot and gainfully employed as a chef! Now tell me that doesn't sound good to a single mother? I mean seriously, being a single mother you are not just looking to go and date. Anyone you meet you scrutinize as a potential life long partner. It cannot be helped. It's that maternal instinct taking over.

Anyway besides being very hot and employed he was supposed to be very funny and was looking for a long term relationship.

Fuckin' Kick Ass.... Let's Do IT!!!

So the date was set up for a week and a half later. One of my friends even agreed to take my son so I wouldn't have to find a babysitter. It was going to be fantastic.

I went out that day and got my hair done and bought some new clothes just for the occasion. Damn I couldn't wait for 6 o'clock to roll around.

About 5 minutes before 6 he got there. I love it.. Early! Everyone loves someone who is punctual right? Especially on a first date right?

I opened up the door to my apartment and he was not bad looking at all. He was tall. I would say 6'1 with blond hair and blue eyes. He also had a mustache and anyone who knows me knows I have a big thing about facial hair. I love it.. It's incredibly sexy..

So far so good...

We talked for a couple of minutes then headed out the door.

I step outside to see waiting in the parking lot a brand new Red Firebird. It was absolutely beautiful.

Am I dreaming? Is this guy for real? So far he seems too good to be true...

On the way to the restaurant we talked about all sorts of things. The conversation wasn't completely forced. It wasn't totally comfortable but not horrible either. I mean we had never met nor talked before so I guess that was to be expected somewhat.

One of the things he mentioned was the fact he hated rude people. He always felt everyone should be considerate of others. He hated swearing too. He told me there is never a good enough reason for anyone to swear when there are so many other words in the world people could use that would get the point across just the same.

I was a little blown away by that. Hell I swear like a sailor so in my scrutinizing this man I knew I would have to re-evaluate somethings about myself if we decided to see each other after this date.

We get to the restaurant and sit down. He asks if I have a problem with a man ordering for me. I said no. This would be interesting. Let's see what he does. Hell he is a chef so he should be good at this.

He ordered me a steak, lobster and shrimp.

Incredible... He isn't cheap either... I am in heaven!

He ended up ordering the exact same thing.

We carried on with more small talk until the food came. We just basically talked about my life and his. It gave us a little more insight into each other. We laughed. I was having a great time.

Then the food came.

As we started to eat we didn't really talk that much. I noticed he was really into his food and I mean really into it. At first I just thought okay, this guy is a chef and he really appreciates good quality food so I will just go with it.

Another minute passed and I notice this guy is sweating. Just a little bead of sweat that trickled down from his hairline across his cheek.

Then it became a little bit more. He was glistening. It seemed odd to me. I couldn't quit sneaking glances at him because every single time I looked, he was sweatier.

All of a sudden, I started hearing little moaning sounds. At first I was a little taken back because I thought it was him but I couldn't be sure. Then they got a little louder. And when I saw his eyes pretty much rolling into the back of his head I started to wonder.

Here is this fairly attractive guy sitting across from me sweating like he is running a marathon and moaning while eating his food. He is enjoying himself but a little too much. I swear it was like he was about to have an orgasm. I have seen people sweat while they eat and I don't have a problem with that but when it's so much that his shirt is starting to become wet it gave me the creeps. I actually sat there for a moment and tried to envision what sex with this guy would be like. The only conclusion I could come up with is that while he would be sweating and enjoying himself way to much I would drown.

That's not good. Who wants to die during sex..???

So there was no conversation during dinner unless you call moaning great company and he sweats so much he looks like he has been swimming, I was seriously starting to consider whether or not I even wanted a second date.

But....

We left and went to see a movie. Everything went back to the way it was. We talked and laughed again. It wasn't half bad.

After the movie we headed for the car. When we came up on it you could see there was a piece of paper on the hood. What happened now floored the hell out of me...

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT ON MY CAR? DON'T PEOPLE HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLES GOD DAMN PROPERTY ANYMORE? THIS REALLY FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!"

With that he pulled the paper off, waded it up and threw it at the car parked next to him. He was red and I mean so red he was almost glowing.

Now wait... didn't this guy say earlier that he didn't think there was a reason for anyone to swear ever? What the fuck happened to that guy?

And why get so pissed off about a piece of paper on your car? Good LORD!

So between the sweaty nastiness, the love affair he was having with his plate and the uncontrollable swearing about his car, I knew right then and there I would not be seeing this guy again....

I love insane people. They make the world more colorful and interesting don't they?