The Things You See....

For me, driving to work is always interesting. It's mainly because my drive to work involves making my way through heavy congested traffic but also it's due to the fact I drive 40 minutes just to get there.

I always manage to see something which makes me laugh or shake my head. It doesn't matter if its the couple screaming at each other or the single guy who has a finger knuckle deep planted in his nose. It doesn't matter what it is, there is always something to see.

Yesterday was no exception. Unfortunately, My Michael was sick so I made the trek all-by-my-lonesome which I hate. I get so use to having someone there that when he isn't it drives me a little crazy. Especially when there is road construction everywhere with those annoying signs that say "Progess in Process" to indicate they are actually doing more than just making the drive unbearable! Whatever....

Anyway, I am about half-way to work when this huge flatbed truck with junk stacked in the back (the stack was a good 8 or 9 feet high mind you) suddenly loses control of its load and shit goes flying all over the interstate. Everything from metal to wood went everywhere. That's when the road became a little game of Dodge-Junk. Swerve to avoid hitting shit! If I would have gotten points, I would have felt trapped in a video game. It was a little scary. I can't lie about that.

A couple of minutes later I see this white car coming up ahead of me weaving back and forth in front of me. So I think, "Okay, get another lane over to get away from this guy!" Well when I get up beside the car, I look over and see something I have never ever seen while driving. There to my right was a man probably 65 years old, no hands on the steering wheel at all, playing a trumpet! Yes, I did say playing a trumpet! Both hands were seriously on this instrument and he was literally playing it! I only wish his window and mine would have been down so I could have yelled something but he probably wouldn't have noticed anyway since he didn't seem to notice HE WAS DRIVING A CAR!!! Crazy I tell you! Crazy!!!

Then 5 minutes later I am stuck in traffic. They closed 2 lanes of the 3 lane interstate for construction. I HATE THAT! So what did I do? Got off at the next exit and took the back roads to work.

My drive home was no different, well except there was no shit flying at my car and no trumpet playing old guy. Just dodging assholes who are so hell-bent on getting home they don't care about basically running people off the road.

But my conclusion was this. I should not have driven yesterday. I should have stayed home. I avoided accident after accident and it made me a little nuts.

Now I am about to get behind the wheel again and I am hoping today is a much better drive than yesterday!

Why????

Why is it that I am having a hard time with my Birthday this year? I mean turning 37 is not the end of the world right? It's not considered over the hill like 40 so why am I having a hard time with this?

Last year turning 36 was really no big deal but then again I had so many other things going on simultaneously in my life that I didn't have time to pay it much mind.

And for those of you who don't know, Blu's birthday is the day after mine and he will be 32.

Yes, everyone, if you do the math I am 5 years and 1 day older than my baby. I have come to terms with the fact I am a cradle robber. **snicker** Blu likes older women...**snicker snicker**

Blu made a comment one day last week about getting old and I thought, "yeah right!"

Anyway, so I did some looking around this morning and found out all of the Celebrities I share my birthday with. Check this out:

• Lil' Romeo - A Rapper and Actor that I really can honestly say I have never seen.
• Matthew Perry - Damn I loved Friends!
• LeAnn Womack - Country Music Singer...
• John Stamos - I am so old I actually watched him as Blackie Parrish on General Hospital
• Adam Arkin - I had to look this one up. He is from Law and Order. I know the face now..
• Peter Gallagher - And actor and singer
• John Deacon - Who? Didn't know this one either. He is a motorcyclist.
• Jill St. John - Actress
• Willie Shoemaker - Stumped again! I looked it up and he is a jockey! Won 4 Kentucky Derby's!
• Gene Roddenberry - Actor
• Malcom Forbes - Publisher, Politician, Multi-Millionaire who started Forbes Magazine
• Ogden Nash - American Poet
• Orville Wright - Co-Inventor of the first successful airplane
• Tipper Gore - We all know who she is!
• William Jefferson Clinton - I miss him being President

I love that list. But what really cracks me up is who Tipper and Bill share a Birthday. Do you think they actually celebrated it together in the Whitehouse? You know he was inserting cigars into interns while she was trying to place a warning label across his penis???

August 19th has a nice list of people doesn't it???

Wanna know who shares your birthday? Click here!

Now I am off to work. Gotta make that money! Have a great day everyone!

xoxoxo

Chalice

Just gotta Vent a little...

Today I am drained. Today I am mentally and physically exhausted. Today I am.....

Have you ever had to just sit and silently deal with an illness while feeling completely helpless and useless?

This past week has been a little rough on my Michael and today is no exception. A few nights ago Michael became extremely sick for several hours. He got over it a day later but this morning he awoke with that same feeling of weakness and nausea. We had to work this morning so we got up, left and made the 40 minute trek. About 45 minutes after we got there he became incredibly sick and began vomiting again. This bout continued until just a few minutes ago. So we had another round of 4 hours of nothing but getting sick.

All I could do was sit back, watch, hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair and get him anything he needed.

I hate that.... I hate it SO much....

This morning was tough because every time he gets sick it scares me tremendously. Normally, I handle it really well. I take care of him and I do it because I love him dearly. But this morning, I broke down. I seriously broke down and cried.

It's hard watching him go through this knowing there is nothing that I can do to magically make it go away or even take it on myself so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course he would tell you himself he would never wish this disease upon even his worst enemy, but I would still take away his pain if I could. His poor body has been raked over the coals for years and in all honesty, its truly taking its toll. Don't get me wrong, Michael is in very good shape for someone living with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus. But this disease has really done a number on him.

Diabetic Neuropathy.... Nerve Damage.... I think this is the worst part of the disease. Just from watching Michael over the last few months I truly believe this is what makes his condition so unbearable. Diabetes causes severe complications with the nerve receptors in the body making it difficult to cope with everyday things whether it be loud noises, having too many people around or just being able to sense if his blood sugar levels are too high or too low.

You see, when he gets sick....HE REALLY GETS SICK!!! The vomiting is almost always very violent and uncontrollable for several hours and this morning was no exception. I can deal with watching him get sick and cleaning up after it all but what got to me this morning was simply wondering why this has to happen to him.

It's unfair. It's so completely unfair. He is such a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve this. I know, no one does but I guess when it hits so close to home that Diabetes becomes something so much more than just a word or an illness. It's very real and it's very scary. It's debilitating. It's life changing. It's inconvenient. It's terminal. To be very blunt, it's a slow painful death. And that is something he will tell you himself.

I want to make it very well known that Michael is truly the strongest person I have ever known, not only physically but mentally as well. And when I see him get sick it kills me inside as it does him. Michael does not ever like to feel or appear weak because that is not who he is but this fucking disease drains him. It exhausts him. It takes from him and that is what hurts the most.

I hate this disease but at the same time, it is a part of him. It makes him who he is and that is just a spectacular human being who looks at life as we all should. All Michael wants out of his life is happiness and love and nothing more. As long as he wakes every day and takes a breath he knows he has accomplished something monumental and that is being able to live.

Michael is my hero and my personal guardian angel. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him and I never will. How we ever came sweeping into each others lives I will never know and honestly I don't care. It happened and that is all that matters. We love each other and we are happy. That is what life is all about.

My love for you is a journey;
Starting at forever,
And ending at never.
~ by Anonymous ~

I realize this is long winded but today I just needed to vent. I needed to just get it all out because this disease of his takes it toll on all of us and if I kept it all in he would kick me for it. He always says that if you need to vent then do it because keeping it in does no one any good at all. He is right. He is so right.

A Pity Party You Say???

Okay I am having one of those days and I hate it. Actually I should not even say its one of those days because my day has not been bad in the slightest....but all of a sudden, well within the last hour, I feel invisible.

I can't explain it. I know its just me but that's the way I feel.

I feel boring...

I feel unimportant...

I feel like I am no fun what-so-ever...

I feel like I could just walk out the door and no one would even fucking notice.....

I feel like a wallflower...

It's funny because I know its only me because no one else is making me feel this way but I still cannot help myself.

But what makes it even worse is the thought of asking anyone to make me feel better because I feel like its something I should be doing on my own. I mean who am I? What makes me so special that I should feel the need to find someone to make me feel better about myself? I know I need to drag myself out of this hole but right now I am not succeeding.

No one makes me feel this way but for whatever reason I just do.

And when I even begin to think that I want to try and talk about it I feel like I am about to cry.

Now don't anyone go and think that Blu isn't doing his part because he is. He always does. Whenever he thinks there is something wrong with me he lets me know because he pays attention...

But tonight I just cannot communicate for whatever reason. I can't spit the words out because they just won't come. It's like they are lodged in the back of my throat and no matter how hard I try they just won't budge. And then whatever I say comes out wrong and is taken the wrong way so then I feel like I should just shut the fuck up... Because I don't want to bring anyone down...

Does anyone else ever feel like this or is it just me???

I think I am just over hormonal... I blame myself and no one else... Sorry guys I know that word hormonal just eats at you but its the truth. I think most of us women are like this sometimes.

I am apparently having my own little pity party but I forgot to send out invitations...

I am playing the worlds smallest violin without an audience to enjoy it with me... Not that anyone would even enjoy the songs I would be playing but whatever right???

So forgive me everyone.. I needed to vent... How sad is this? I vented and it meant nothing.

Do I feel better? Hell no.. I still feel like running down the street screaming my head off and tearing out my hair...

I guess it just sucks. Here it is Saturday night and I feel like doing anything other than what I am doing right now. I hate sitting in this house. I wouldn't care if I were just outside staring at the sky... it would be better than this but then again... its fucking cold so I would bitch about that... So go figure..

I need a night out..

I need to get away badly...

Is that bad?

Is it selfish??

Is it wrong???

Probably...

By the way.. My head is pounding...

Disturbed Sleep

To say I couldn't sleep last night would be an understatement. It's more like I won the Gold Medal in the tossing and turning Olympics.

I have way to much on my mind lately. Anticipation of this impending surgery on Wednesday has got me a little anxious and waiting on Michael to come home is driving me completely insane.

I almost got up and took something to help me sleep around 2 this morning but then changed my mind when I realized how overly tired I would be from not getting enough rest while taking something meant to knock my ass out.

Basically, I can't win in the world of sleep lately... I am still contemplating the whole idea of pulling a Seinfeld and building a nap area under my desk at work. Today could just be the day that idea takes shape.... Do you think the bosses will even notice if I show up in pj's with a pillow and blanket???