Blah...

Okay so I have disappeared for a brief time but I am back. :)

I have been sick over the last few days. Not just me but my family has been sick too. Everything from vomiting and diarrhea to double pneumonia and ear infections. I have had to deal with the 1st two which has made life very unpleasant. I hate throwing up more than anything in the world. It gives me a horrid headache.

So over the last few weeks life has just been life. Nothing exciting or new. Well my son did turn 14 a couple of weeks ago. Damn that makes me feel old :) All he wanted was a bunch of Mizzou stuff so that is exactly what he got. And then he got to go to the movies with some of his friends. He was happy though and that's all that matters.

I am just ecstatic though. My son has been doing great in school! Last year this time he was failing everything but with all of the changes in our lives over this past year he has improved greatly. A's and B's. He did have 2 C's but I can deal with those! Life is good in that respect!

Here are a couple of pictures of my nephews on Santa's lap.




I love seeing screaming kids on Santa's lap :) It reminds me of a picture of me and my sister. She was screaming her head off while I was looking perturbed! I need to find that picture cuz its a classic!

Well that's about all for now. I am going to head for my couch and stare at my tv as I feel like complete crap! Take care everyone!

It's Fall

This morning I have gotten up and managed to find my way to the computer and have sat here looking out the window. The nice thing is that there are a ton of trees right outside so I get the pleasure of looking at the changing colors of the leaves on this lovely Sunday!!! And sitting here inspired me to play around with my desktop and make a few changes. So tell me what you think?



I thought making it look like a filmstrip was a little different and gave it a nice touch :)

So then I went looking at some poetry and found this...

Once upon an Autumn Day,
Colorful leaves began to fade.
In the midst of a chilly, frosty air
As a multitude of trees grew steadily bare.

Once upon an Autumn Day,
The whispering breeze was here to stay
Moving aimlessly through the countless trees
Scattering leaves with the greatest of ease.

Once upon an Autumn Day,
The leaves whirled freely in every way
Until at last they came to rest
Finding a haven in which to nest.

Once upon an Autumn Day,
The trees were dormant, and the leaves lay
Waiting for the winter snow to fall
To quickly obscure them one and all.

by Joseph T. Renaldi

I don't have much motivation to do anything else today because I pretty much feel like complete ca-ca. I think Michael has given me his illness so I must add giving him a swift kick to the ass to my list of things to do. I tell him not to breathe and he just doesn't listen... Go Figure!

So here I sit, sneezing my ass off, coughing like crazy, only able to breathe out of half of my head and my throat feels like it's on fire.

My Chiefs are currently on the TV playing against the Green Bay Packers and it truly isn't much of a game. We are losing. But considering the score is only 0 to 3, anything can happen right? Basically both offenses decided to stay home today.

Since I am pretty much just babbling with no where to really go with this post, I think I shall sign off now and hope for the best for my Chiefs. Green Bay scored another field goal making it now 6 to 0. Damn CheeseHeads! But there is still an entire half to go so we shall see :)

Have a fantastic day everyone!

UPDATE: Chiefs scored a touchdown with 7 seconds left in the half! There is HOPE!!! :)

Michael Update

I wanted to give everyone an update on Michael and also thank you for all of the support. Your comments were wonderful so again, Thank YOU!!!

Yesterday Michael woke up feeling nauseated again and when he did a check on his blood sugar it was well over 600! And the only reason we know this is due to the fact his meter did not actually register a number. It simply said 'Hi'. That is never a good thing for those of you unfamiliar with how Diabetes seems to attack its patients. He ended up taking some insulin and we headed to the Emergency Room. When they checked his blood sugar there, it actually read 683 which tells me that prior to him taking the insulin injection at home, his sugar was somewhere in the neighborhood of 800 if not higher.

If he had not taken his sugar when he did, Michael could have very well gone into a coma. It scared and him to death. But we got it down with even more insulin and plenty of fluids because he was dehydrated from being so sick.

Yesterday he was writhing in pain and it was so incredibly hard to watch. No drug was working at all until they finally gave him a good one last night. It finally enabled him to sleep somewhat which he had been lacking for well over 24 hours.

Today he is sooooooo much better!!!

I stayed with him most of the day and we just sat there watching movies and talking. You never really realize how much a true smile can mean until you see someone you have not seen do it in a while actually smiles. It warmed my heart and made me realize he was okay.

He is still in a little bit of pain but nothing compared to yesterday or the day before. He was finally himself and it was wonderful to see. He also ate for the 1st time since Friday. Solid food that is instead of warm broth and Jello. Finally, real food!

So I thought I would post a picture of him from his hospital bed today.



Since he is finally doing so much better, I think they will let him come home tomorrow! I have been crossing my fingers so much I have a cramp :) Can't wait! I miss him!

And because I feel like being mean I am going to show this video of what exactly good drugs do for a sick person. This Amazing Video will leave you Bewildered, Mesmerized and Stunned! If you would like to purchase this video, which is called Michael Gone Wild, for your personal collection, please send $9.95 to me as soon as possible!!!


Lately my son has been into taking pictures of himself since he has been doing all sorts of working out lately. I think he would turn into Popeye if he could just let a little spinach slip past his lips every once in a while!

Just gotta Vent a little...

Today I am drained. Today I am mentally and physically exhausted. Today I am.....

Have you ever had to just sit and silently deal with an illness while feeling completely helpless and useless?

This past week has been a little rough on my Michael and today is no exception. A few nights ago Michael became extremely sick for several hours. He got over it a day later but this morning he awoke with that same feeling of weakness and nausea. We had to work this morning so we got up, left and made the 40 minute trek. About 45 minutes after we got there he became incredibly sick and began vomiting again. This bout continued until just a few minutes ago. So we had another round of 4 hours of nothing but getting sick.

All I could do was sit back, watch, hold his hand, run my fingers through his hair and get him anything he needed.

I hate that.... I hate it SO much....

This morning was tough because every time he gets sick it scares me tremendously. Normally, I handle it really well. I take care of him and I do it because I love him dearly. But this morning, I broke down. I seriously broke down and cried.

It's hard watching him go through this knowing there is nothing that I can do to magically make it go away or even take it on myself so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Of course he would tell you himself he would never wish this disease upon even his worst enemy, but I would still take away his pain if I could. His poor body has been raked over the coals for years and in all honesty, its truly taking its toll. Don't get me wrong, Michael is in very good shape for someone living with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus. But this disease has really done a number on him.

Diabetic Neuropathy.... Nerve Damage.... I think this is the worst part of the disease. Just from watching Michael over the last few months I truly believe this is what makes his condition so unbearable. Diabetes causes severe complications with the nerve receptors in the body making it difficult to cope with everyday things whether it be loud noises, having too many people around or just being able to sense if his blood sugar levels are too high or too low.

You see, when he gets sick....HE REALLY GETS SICK!!! The vomiting is almost always very violent and uncontrollable for several hours and this morning was no exception. I can deal with watching him get sick and cleaning up after it all but what got to me this morning was simply wondering why this has to happen to him.

It's unfair. It's so completely unfair. He is such a wonderful man and he doesn't deserve this. I know, no one does but I guess when it hits so close to home that Diabetes becomes something so much more than just a word or an illness. It's very real and it's very scary. It's debilitating. It's life changing. It's inconvenient. It's terminal. To be very blunt, it's a slow painful death. And that is something he will tell you himself.

I want to make it very well known that Michael is truly the strongest person I have ever known, not only physically but mentally as well. And when I see him get sick it kills me inside as it does him. Michael does not ever like to feel or appear weak because that is not who he is but this fucking disease drains him. It exhausts him. It takes from him and that is what hurts the most.

I hate this disease but at the same time, it is a part of him. It makes him who he is and that is just a spectacular human being who looks at life as we all should. All Michael wants out of his life is happiness and love and nothing more. As long as he wakes every day and takes a breath he knows he has accomplished something monumental and that is being able to live.

Michael is my hero and my personal guardian angel. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him and I never will. How we ever came sweeping into each others lives I will never know and honestly I don't care. It happened and that is all that matters. We love each other and we are happy. That is what life is all about.

My love for you is a journey;
Starting at forever,
And ending at never.
~ by Anonymous ~

I realize this is long winded but today I just needed to vent. I needed to just get it all out because this disease of his takes it toll on all of us and if I kept it all in he would kick me for it. He always says that if you need to vent then do it because keeping it in does no one any good at all. He is right. He is so right.

The Blah's

I am sooooo tired today! You would think after actually going to bed fairly early (1:30 am...yes that is actually early considering I work nights) that I might actually be a little more alert today. But Alas.. I am not!

My head is all stuffed up today and I hate that. I blame Michael. I know he brought home diseases from UPS!

Poor guy was so sick yesterday. I felt so bad. I babied him as much as I possibly could but he still feels like death warmed over. He can't breathe because his head is all clogged up. His throat is itchy and scratchy. He has the chills and his whole body hurts.

So today I wake up with a stuffy head and now I am coughing a little bit and my throat is sore!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's hard to talk on the phone all day long begging people for their money when you don't really feel like talking at all.... ***sigh*** What can ya do right?

Alright, Hero's came back on last night and I have to admit, I really like that show. I never watched it at all until Michael got me into it. I think I could use a good dose of some powers right now. I think invisibility would serve me well along with the ability to self heal. Ahhh to hell with it, I may as well say I want them all.

Tonight is American Idol night! Now everyone say it with me... Hip Hip Hurray!!! SANJAYA IS GONE!!! Took long enough! I guess last night he had a guest spot on Letterman doing the top ten list. I missed it which sucks because Michael and I are die hard Letterman fans and we watch the show religiously....but here it is...



Am I the only one who thinks this kid smiles just like Eddie and Charlie Murphy? Hmmmm??? Well he has had way more than his 20 minutes of fame and now its time to move on.... So Adios Sanjaya...

Funny Cartoon I love.. Reminds me a little bit of Sanjaya...



Have a most Terrific Day Everyone!

Dude Mom

So off and on this past week I have felt like someone ran me over with a car. I hate that feeling because when you really start thinking about it, it would have been better to have actually been ran over. You would have had a reason and fully expected to feel like complete and total shit instead of it coming out of nowhere and smacking you upside the head... Ughhhh....

Praying to the Porcelain Goddess is truly a horrid experience. I don't hardly ever have to do it but when I feel it coming I get a little anxious and overwhelmed. That deep feeling of dread starts taking over and then WHAM......

Blechhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

And did I mention I had the worst neck and back pain I have ever had in my entire life. I have had a stiff neck before but this was unreal. I was actually crying it was so bad. And you know what, it still hurts a little bit. Nothing like it did Friday and Saturday but its haunting me a tiny bit...

Today I feel no better. I don't know if there is something going around or if its something I ate or what. I know my son wasn't feeling really well yesterday and Michael had his moments(for the most part he was great) but for whatever reason, it really kicked me in the ass. Poor Caleb was lying in the floor and looked like hell....


While Michael was having a good old time listening to his music and messing around....



I refuse to post a picture of myself in this light because, well, I just don't want tooooo. Just trust me on this one, its scary as hell.... If I were standing on the beach, dolphins and whales would beach themselves in protest. If I go outside and stand on my porch, cats will hiss, dogs will growl and birds will fall from the sky. I feel sorry for those who must be in my presence at work later today....

Besides feeling like shit, my weekend wasn't bad at all. My son has found a home on MySpace and spent much of the weekend going, "Dude! Mom! You have to come and see this video I am putting up!" Its nice to know I have a nickname... I have dubbed myself DudeMom... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't ya think??

NV, this is to you...I meant to get on the webcam a few of times but I didn't and for that I know I suck. I seriously didn't have the motivation. Actually slugs had more motivation than I did. When I wasn't doing my running around this weekend my ass was planted on the couch, staring aimlessly at the television. Yes I enjoyed watching Borat and a couple of other movies but sitting there doing nothing got to me a little bit. I did manage to do a million loads of laundry but still... So all I ask, is please don't hate me :( My mind truly wasn't in it and if I had got on there I would have been as exciting as spending time mopping the floor. Actually you probably would have more fun doing that.... Can you forgive me??? Please???

So now I must get ready for my day. Damn I wish it were still the weekend! I could really use a dose of my bed right now but alas, the work week has begun once again...

Oops...... I stole these from Michael, who stole them from others...

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Changes...

When I sit back and think about how everything has changed over the past 12 months it almost makes my head spin. I mean literally spin!

If you would have asked me 12 months ago what my life would be like right now, I would not have had any idea to even tell you it would be what it is today.

So many changes...

Some Good...

Some Bad...

But considering they make me who I am today, whether they were good or bad doesn't really matter does it?

Yesterday yet another change presented itself to me. Its a good change too.

I have been sick off and on since October. I have had surgery and been put on medicine that has done a number on me and due to all of this, I was on the verge of losing my job. The thought of that even happening was scary for me because I have never been fired from anywhere for any reason. In fact, I always prided myself on being a hard worker. One who went above and beyond what most others would because, well I just wanted to. It made me feel good to feel like I was making a difference somewhere. Does that make sense???

Well this week I became sick again. I ended up with a massive infection and honestly, its really taken its toll on me. I feel weak and I hate feeling weak. I am tired and have no energy. I don't like that.

Yesterday morning I called in for the 2nd day in a row and was rewarded with phone calls back to my home by a co-worker who was less than nice. And what made it worse is that all of this occurred before I was even scheduled to be at work. I don't need to be berated as if I were a 10 year old child and then hung up on. Its unprofessional and it speaks volumes at the same time. I was treated as if I had just decided to take a few days off and claim to be sick while I was out having some terrific time. If only that were the case.

So I sat back yesterday morning and began to evaluate it all and came to the conclusion I was much better than the way I was being treated. I started looking all over the internet for a different job. I was applying everywhere and anywhere. Anything would have been fine.

Suddenly one popped up and I was given the option to either apply online or call in. So I called in and talked to the girl. As crazy as it sounds, I was pretty much offered the job over the phone. Not only will it be steady hours with the potential for much overtime, but it also pays more. A great deal more. There is so much room to advance and that is what I love the most.

Yesterday afternoon I went out for a quick interview (which I was even late for by 20 minutes...go figure...road construction and wrong directions!) but I was offered the job on the spot and told to come in for an orientation today which I will be leaving for in about 45 minutes. I am going to start the new job on Monday.

I am more than excited!

I got up this morning and went into work and quit my job. Usually I am one for giving notice and doing things the right way but I couldn't let this opportunity slip out of my reach. Its too good...

General Lee acted just as I pretty much expected him too. He really didn't care even though he said he was sad to see me go because he thinks I am an asset to his company. He sure has a funny way of showing it but whatever. I laid it all out on the table as to why I was quitting and all he could do was interrupt me. I finally asked him if I could just speak for a second but that was so hard for him. He kept going "uh-huh" while shaking his weaselly little head with his chipmunk teeth and glaring at me with his beady little eyes.

I was surprised that some of the people who I thought would be jerks about me quitting were actually pretty good about it. I was told I would be missed and wished the best of luck....

It felt good...

I felt empowered...

I will miss my sister though. She and I have become so close working together but she also knows what an incredible opportunity this is for me.

I am thankful for the job I had but only because of what it brought me in terms of a relationship with my sister. She is truly a great person... I love her dearly...

But now its off to much better surroundings...

Life is good...

I am happy...

Blu Has Issues... Big Ones...

HA!!! It was my turn!!! :)

Just for the record everyone.. I have decided to quit posting all of the mushy stuff about Blu and I on this blog.. So what did I do? I created a new blog to post nothing but that. So if you really care about reading the mushy stuff, click HERE!!! But just remember that doesn't mean I won't rip on him here because I WILL!!! Because I can and there is nothing he can do about it!

Update on Blu

Well another day is gone and another day he is still in the hospital. As it turns out he has a pretty bad staph infection so they are pumping him up on all sorts of stuff to try and get rid of it all.

For those of you unfamiliar with diabetes, when someone with this disease gets an infection, it takes them 5 times as long for there body to rid itself of it and that usually requires help such as medication.

Michael is still in a lot of pain but he is going to be fine. I know he is sick and tired of being stuck in the hospital and that I understand. It's uncomfortable. You have no privacy and it tends to be loud. Every time he tries to sleep in walks someone to poke and prod at him. It sucks and its no fun.

The pain killers they are giving him only work so much and that bothers me because I can just see how badly he hurts. If I could take it all away, I would do it without a second thought...

I have stayed with him as late as I can each night to keep him company as he is incredibly bored. I look in his eyes and I just see and feel the frustration and it breaks my heart.

He has only been here a month and is in the hospital. How is that for a Welcome To Kansas City for you???

He is looking forward to coming home soon... Hopefully this weekend but it just depends on how well his body responds to the medication. I am missing him around here like crazy. Now that he is here with me every second he is gone just eats at me.

Now I am off to bed. I am exhausted :)

Take care everyone and have a good night!

Reality

Reality..

This is one of those words which is kind of like a double edged sword. Sometimes reality is good and sometimes it's bad. The only problem is you just never know which one is going to hit you at any given moment.

Today my reality is blurred.

Today my reality is not good.

Today my reality sucks.

Last night Michael and I were having a great time together. We sat and watched some TV and just enjoyed each others company. I love spending time with him. He always makes things fun and exciting. He has a unique perspective on life and everything in the world around him and that is one of the main reasons I fell head over heels in love with the man.

Around 9:30 last night Michael told me he was feeling nauseated and he felt like he could get sick. It concerned me a little bit because he hasn't been feeling very good since his move up here last month. Unfortunately, with him having diabetes I think the stress of the move and the change in climate has really done a number on my baby. We both feel as time passes it will get better.

However, a few minutes later he ended up getting sick. Now this is when I began to get a little more worried. I know how much he hates to get sick and I also know that does not happen very often.

And then he got sick again...

And again...

And again...

About an hour and a half later, after trying to do everything possible to stabilize him he begged me to call an ambulance. I did. At 11:15 last night the EMT's were in my home and basically telling him there was nothing they could do other than take him to the hospital.

Since the hospital is literally 3 blocks from my house, the EMT's helped get him into my car and off to the hospital we went.

Last night was scary for me. I know it was nothing compared to what Michael's body is going through but it was still scary. There was nothing I could do for him except try everything I possibly could to make him feel comfortable. The amount of pain he was in was unbearable. He was sweating so much from his body temperature fluctuating so much that his clothes looked as though he had gone swimming in them. The uncontrollable vomiting was so violent. After doing it so much everything that came up was nothing but blood.

I was lost. I couldn't help the one person in the world I love above everyone else. I had to sit there and watch. It hurt. It hurt so fucking bad.

I think God is tired of hearing from me. I think he is tired of me begging to make him better. But guess what God? I am not going to stop.... I can't.... I need him well... He needs to be well....

I seriously do not know how much more his body can take. He has been through so much in his life and knowing this makes me worry all the more. Michael is strong. Oh my God he is unbelievably strong but his body???

Pretty much all I can say is they have decided to keep him. They have not told me what is going on with him as they really do not know themselves. I have been told there will be lots of testing he will be going through. When I know more I will post it here.

Please cross your fingers...say a prayer... whatever you can... He would never in a million years admit it, but he needs it....

Who Is Behind The Mask???

When I was 15 I got my first job working at a fast food place with my best friend Jamie. I hated the job more than anything but I worked with some very "colorful" people so it made going in everyday after school worth it. Of course, being 15 and having a regular paycheck was a bonus too. Can't pass up the money :)

While I was there I began to date a guy that I worked with. Everyone says its pretty much a no-no to ever date anyone you work worth but sometimes we have to learn all of that the hard way right? I know I have one of those personalities where I want to be proven wrong not just told. Hell that little philosophy I lived by is what got me in all of the trouble I got in growing up.....but I never changed. I always insist I can be different than everyone else who has been in similar circumstances. Sometimes its to my benefit but other times I just end up screwing myself royally. **sigh**

Okay back to the guy I dated. He was not bad looking and seemed very very nice. We always managed to have a ton of fun when we worked together so it just seemed right. Besides we had mutual friends and always ended up at the same parties so knowing how well we got along it just seemed natural that we would end up dating.

We dated for several months until it just got to be a little bit too much for me. I began to see him as being slightly possessive of me a overbearing at the same time. What finally broke everything off was him starting to ask me what I was doing, where I was going, who I was talking too...etc... You get the picture. All the signs of something very very bad in the works.

When all of that began to happen, I broke it off.

That did not set well with him. He began to cause problems for me at work and was constantly following me around and harassing me. So much so it got the attention of my manager who found the whole thing very unnerving. He ended up firing him a couple of days later.

I was relieved when he was fired. I thought I would finally be able to move on and breathe without fear of being questioned about everything 24/7. I would be able to work in peace and go back to having fun with all of the people I worked with.

A good 3 weeks passed and I hadn't heard a peep out of the guy. No phone calls. No showing up at my job. No magically appearing at school. He just stopped. It was great.

What a beautiful 3 weeks.

One night while we were closing up the restaurant one of the guys I worked with was taking a bunch of trash out to the dumpster. It was about 11 on a Friday night so it was very dark outside therefore making it impossible for him to see anything other than what was in plain sight. Big deal right? Shit he had been taking the damn trash out there every single night for months so what would make this night any different right?

WRONG!!!

When he got there and was just about to throw the massive bag into the dumpster out jumps someone. He was dressed in a black ninja suit and began tossing those little Ninja Throwing Stars at the guy. And when I say he was wearing a Ninja Suit, I mean the full fucking suit.

All we heard from inside the restaurant were shrieks and screams. That sent everyone running outside to see what the hell was going on.

That is when we see the guy who took out the trash curled up on the ground in the fetal position with a freak in a costume standing over him. He was black from head to toe. Shit his face was even covered up partially just like you would see in some Bruce Lee movie. There really is no accurate way to describe the scenario that would do it any justice what so ever. It was just fucked up. I thought I was lost in some crazy Kung Fu movie or an episode of Candid Camera.

When the guy saw us he immediately ran off.

The guy who took the trash out finally calmed himself down after a couple of minutes and was able to tell us that he was spoke too by the person. Here is a snippet of the conversation:

"I know you are dating my girlfriend man and you are going to pay for taking her away from me! God sent her to me and no one, especially you is going to take her away from me!"

Right then and there I knew who it was behind the mask. It was my ex. As soon as I heard the words "God sent her to me" I fucking knew it. That was something he had told me right before I had broken it off with him.

He had given me some story of praying to God to send him someone way before he met me that he would be with until the day he died. He began to tell me that God had spoken to him on many occasions and told him to be patient and one day it would happen. Then he told me that he had seen me in visions and I was the girl God had spoken to him about.

Can you believe that shit? At age 15 I was that fucking girl??!!! Gimme a damn break here!

I knew he was insane and that is the biggest reason I quit seeing him. Hell I was 15! Seriously! Like I was ready for any kind of serious relationship here especially from someone who claimed to be talking to Jesus and God Almighty himself. No fucking Thank You...

Well the cops were called and I told them who I thought it was but based on everything that happened there was no real proof he did anything and nothing was ever done.

He never bothered me again from that point on and he never showed back up any place I was in any more costumes.

I did find out he dated a girl I knew a couple of years later and he tried to turn her into me. He made her cut her hair like mine and even change her room so it looked exactly like mine. She actually contacted me when they had broken up to tell me all about it. The story actually gave me chills.

What the hell???

I ran into him about 10 years ago in a grocery store. It was a little eerie. He proceeded to tell me how he ended up marrying the very same girl who called me to tell me she had been made into me. How odd is that? They were still married and that is when he asked me if he and I could get together sometime.

I POLITELY said no and walked away.

I have never seen him again...

And that is my story of having a stalker.

Nothing But Mindless Babble

I really have nothing of importance to say today so this will probably be mindless babble. But what is so wrong with mindless babble? Other than some people may not want to read it is there really anything wrong with it, right?

I still feel like shit. I have been taking some drugs off and on today to kill the damn fever I have been battling since yesterday. It's made me a little giddy at times, well in between bouts of wanting to just pass out, that is.

I really hated missing another day of work since it means less pay for each day I miss. What to do?? What to do?? I am in some serious pain (which is part of the reason I have been taking the drugs) so going to work today would not have been a good thing. Needless to say, I wouldn't have been very productive. But when I think about it, I really wonder if they even would have noticed. Probably not. I have one of those jobs where if you look busy they pretty much assume you are busy. They still don't pay me enough to go in and pretend so I chose to stay close to my bed with all its nicely soft sheets and blankets and my overly comfortable pillows :)

I did talk to the dr's office and they are raising their eyebrows a little bit after I told them everything that is going on with me. So they are now putting me on even more medication. I hate medicine. During a conversation with my favorite person in the world today we decided it would probably be a good idea to take out some stock from one of these companies. Why not? Why not get some of the money I am putting in their pockets back? I think its a truly spectacular idea :) I can almost smell the money now....

I am so tired. Why? I haven't done a damn thing in the past 6 days so why am I so tired? They say you can be more tired from doing nothing than if you really busted your ass and I am beginning to believe it. I know.... I know.... Blah Blah Blah... Whine to someone else right???

I think I have watched about every single episode of Animal Planet's "The Most Extreme" they have ever made. Now that is a quality show. You learn so many things from shows like this. Did you know the Tasmanian Devil gives birth to about 50 babies at a time??? I love babies but I would lose my mind... But here is the kicker, only 4 of those will survive because the others will starve to death. Nice parenting skills! Not to mention that those 4 will try to kill each other off as mom just settles back and watches the death matches unfold. That is until she tires of it and leaves.

***sigh***

Okay I am about babbled out. My mind is not wanting to process anything else today so I think I will cooperate with it and just give in. Why fight it? It doesn't feel like thinking so why try and force it? I would hate to piss it off and have it go on strike or something. Some how I don't think that would be good.

And Where is My Blanket???

It's official. I am completely out of it today.

I honestly thought is was because of not getting much sleep this past week but today is a bit different. Since yesterday, okay you who are squeamish, and you know who you are NV, do not read any further if you don't wanna hear it okay??? Anyway, the incision they made in my belly button during surgery is really quite gross. The amount of nastiness coming out of it is really making me nauseous. Not to mention that I am really cramping like crazy again. I was fine the last couple of days and now, its back like a kick to the face with a golf shoe. OH WHY!!!!

Now I thought I might have been running a temperature so I checked it and its currently 100. Fuck... I really hate this stuff. I really need to go to work tomorrow but if this incision is infected and causing this, I should get it taken care of immediately. So I figure if I wake up tomorrow morning and its not any better then I will head back to the doc and see what he has to say.

The pain in my head right now makes me think I have accountants in my head cranking out numbers on one of those old adding machines.... I really thought I removed them from the payroll so what gives???

Where the hell is my blanket??? I am cold as hell here... Although I should just go back to bed and stay there. I need a remedy! Who can help me out??? Damn......................