Finally Home....

Holy Crap! Am I actually going to post??




Well from the comments being made around here I guess you were all wondering if we were alive and kickin'?

Yep! We Alive!

Yep! We Kickin'!

Michael got up here Wednesday and we all have been having a terrific time together. He has been meeting so many people over the last few days I'm a little worried his head is going to explode from all of the excitement. But he is handling it incredibly as I knew he would.

I got the pleasure of meeting his mom and dad. Wow! They are even more wonderful in person. It's been a long time since I have been around people who are so down to earth, loving, caring and fun. I ended up having to work this week while they were in town which I hated. I wanted to spend time with them so bad but there will always be other times in the future. So what did they do? They took my son all over the city and made him feel very special. My son has whispered in my ear many times over the last few days how much fun he is having.

The picture I posted is of Michael and my son at a restaurant we went to with NV and her little Monkey Friday night. We had soooooooooo much fun! NV mentioned on her blog how loud Michael laughs in a movie theater and she is right! Oh.. My.. God.. Becky! Can you Believe that Laugh?!! A long time ago I would make fun of Mr. NV for his crazy loud laugh and now I have got one of my own to contend with! ***snicker*** I think NV and I are going to have to do this whole movie thing again just so we can have a contest to see exactly who is the loudest. What do ya say NV??? How much should we bet on this one cuz' it's gonna be a close one :)

Yesterday we got his parents and my parents together for brunch and it was a really good time. Our parents just started talking as if they have known each other for years. They have so much in common it's not even funny. Hell they got along so well they have already made comments about visiting one another! Blows my mind! In a million years I never thought that would happen but I am so happy that it did!

I was sad to see his parents leave yesterday. I felt bad. I wanted to spend so much more time with them than I got too but at least I know I will get many more opportunities in the years to come.

So to sum this all up..... I am incredibly happy! I am deeply in love with a wonderful man and my life could not be better if I had written the script for it myself. My son has found a great friend and someone he can look up to in Michael and that mixed in with everything else gives me an overwhelming sense of completeness.......

Michael... All of the puzzle pieces have finally fallen into place and I'm happy!

Here is to the start of a wonderful life together!!! I LOVE YOU BABY!!! Welcome Home!

And one more thing.... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Christmas Day...

I love Christmas Day and this year was especially good! And now I am worn the hell out! I have spent the greater part of the last 2 hours playing with photos from last night and today. Now my eyes are crossing and I feel like I need toothpicks just to hold them up.

Instead of going on and on, here are some pictures from our day...

Merry Christmas Everyone!

The Best Christmas Gift...

This year my life has taken a huge change and I might add for the better. I took some steps towards my own happiness and self-fulfillment and it is the best thing I ever could have done.

I am getting the best Christmas Present in the world and its one I will cherish from the rest of my life. Michael, my baby, will finally be coming home this week. I am sure some of you have noticed the counter on the side of my blog so needless to say, the 27th of this month is not coming fast enough. I think he and I are both in agreement on that. We are both a wreck waiting for this Wednesday to get here. I love Christmas but it just needs to hurry up and get over with...

Damn I cannot wait!!! Not only about finally being able to spend the rest of my life with the man I love more than anyone else on this planet, but I get to meet his family. I love them so much!!! They are truly spectacular people and knowing they are my family too means the world to me!!! I am truly blessed!!!

My son is overwhelmed with excitement too. This is such a good thing for him!! Especially since he and Michael are incredible friends already....... its only going to get better from here on out.

For the first time in my life I am complete....

Now...

I wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a Very Merry Christmas and an even Happier New Year!!! Now how about some humor.....

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

A Redneck Christmas...

Before I started working at the company I am with now, every Christmas party I ever attended was boring, dull and lifeless. You would much rather get yourself caught in a bear trap and then try to gnaw your way out than attend one of these functions.

You know the setting I am talking about. A huge group of people who pretend to be having a good time but are really only there for the free meal and all full of hope of getting that fabulous door prize. Could I win the TV? Or maybe the CD player? Maybe a lap dance from the whorish secretary who looks like a librarian? Whatever the case you definitely are not there for the social hour because you loathe so many you actually work with.

This is only the 2nd Christmas party I have gone too with this company and even though they don't give a damn thing away, these parties are so much better than any other I have ever gone too.

Let me set the stage properly for you.

I work with rednecks. Gotta love the rednecks!!! There is nothing like them in the entire world! I'm sure when I mention rednecks you probably get visions of Larry the Cable Guy in your head in his sleeveless t-shirt and "Git R Done" hat. Well if that is the case, you would be almost 100% accurate. The only difference is they are not as funny as Larry and sure as hell don't have the kind of money he has. As for the clothing, yep, that's pretty much it.

The company I am employed with happens to be a paint manufacturing plant so the guys are usually high on thinners and other wonderful chemicals. It tends to make for a good time for all involved. Now putting them into an environment filled with food and alcohol only amplifies their behavior 100 times over. I would compare it to locking chimps in a room but that would be disrespectful to monkeys everywhere so I just can't do it.

These are men who never comb their hair and usually reek of a lovely mixture of body odor, tobacco, rancid vomit and trash. Yes, at times it is that bad. I do not exaggerate at all. Their clothing is almost always something flannel, completely dirty and full of holes. They never go anywhere without their ball caps on and thank God because sometimes I wonder if they even know what shampoo is.

This year the party was at a very nice Italian restaurant. Now when you vision this restaurant don't think of the regular chain restaurant like "The Olive Garden". This is more like the mob-owned, head of the mafia sitting in the back room with a huge napkin stuffed in his shirt, ordering hits on people like he was ordering his meal type restaurant. It's nice and dark in there with soft music playing in the background and lit candles on every table. Men strutting through in pin-stripe suits, huge cocky grins on their faces and slicked back hair oozing testosterone all claiming to be masters of the universe. Reminds you of something out of Goodfella's.

Now the look on the faces of the people in this restaurant was priceless when the gang of rednecks came pouring through the door. You would have thought aliens landed in the parking lot and wandered in rather than actual human beings. Granted I see their point because not a one of them bothered to shower or shave for this lovely event other than the few of us who work in the corporate office.

Once everyone arrives we are rushed to the back of the restaurant and placed in a room with the door closed. There is a huge buffet table full of lasagna, lemon chicken and fettuccine Alfredo. When the guys lined up to fix their plates you would have thought of them being in famine for the last 10 years of their life because they apparently had not seen food in a long time. They piled up this stuff so high on their plates they each had enough to feed a family of 10 and possibly still have some left overs.

After dinner it was time to head for the bar. I have never seen so many bottles of Bud Light ordered in my life. They couldn't just order one at a time. Hell no. They were ordering 2 to 3 at a sitting.

The nice thing about being around drunk rednecks is that they tend to buy your alcohol for you. That's right. I didn't pay for a drink today and I had a few. At first I had to join in with the beer but then I switched over to vodka and cranberry juice at $10 a glass. I would have been out quite a few bucks if it weren't for my redneck buddies.

I think what amazed me the most is how quickly they drank these bottles down. I kept expecting someone to pull out one of those beer dispensing hats just so they had the capability of holding more beers.

After a good 3o minutes of drinking they were rowdier than a bunch of 10 year old boys lookin' at titties for the 1st time. Jokes were flying, laughter was roaring, booze was getting spilled all over the place and a couple of guys even fell down a time or two.

When it was time to go it got a little interesting for us girls who work in the office. You see there are only 7 girls total who work there among 40 men. Only 2 of us, meaning my sister and myself, are young while the others are 50+ so when it was time to leave the random kissing began. I'm sorry Blu but there was nothing I could do about it. And let me say there is nothing like getting a huge kiss planted on you by several guys reeking of alcohol, cigarettes and Italian food. Hell I swear to God one guy felt me up. Kind of one of those let me bump into you on purpose and pretend it was on accident and get me a handful of some office boobie...

And you know what? None of them will remember it come next week.

I had a good time and am looking forward to it next year, minus the kissing and groping of course :)

Blessed or Cursed...

Am I blessed or am I cursed? Its a question I have battled with myself for quite sometime. I could pretty much go either way on the answer in all honesty but I figured after talking about this crap at work today, why not come home and ask all of my blog readers this one...

Over the years, there is one thing I have noticed about men. And I don't mean any disrespect to you men out there but you all have a complete fetish with a woman's body. Specifically, I am talking about boobies, cha-cha's, fun bags, the twins, lunch, dirty pillows, food-catchers, hooters, massive melons, love humps and whatever else you men love to call them.

I will not lie, I have a fairly nice pair :) Well at least that's what I have been told anyway. And from watching how men tend to talk to me, which is look from my eyes then down to my chest then back to my eyes, I tend to agree with what I have been told.

But you men fail to see what we women must go through carrying these things around. It's not all that easy.

First of all, wearing a bra sucks! The over-the-shoulder boulder holder has got to be the most uncomfortable piece of clothing ever invented and who ever came up with the idea should be taking out and shot. However, I do know it was invented by a woman. What the hell was she thinking? She has got to be into some sort of self-torture. If she were alive today she would have been a member of Opus Dei and would have probably sat around flogging herself just for the fact she was a woman.

Secondly, if you happen to have big ones, they can make your back hurt like there is no tomorrow. And if you don't believe that, try strapping on a fake pair for a few days and see how much you like it! No joke!

Third, if you happen to be a woman who has no breasts at all, you can constantly be mistaken for a 10 year old boy. What fun is that? Then you have to buy bras with padding and be all fake and stuff or subject yourself to surgery just so you have a pair. No fun in that..

Fourth, like I said above, men tend to forget you have a face and focus on your chest. You just wanna look at them and say, "Hello, my eyes are up here and not down there jackass..."

Now there are definitely some good things about having a chest that is fairly well-endowed. It really isn't completely horrible all of the time.... I can't lie and I won't....

Men tend to really pay attention to a woman with a nice set of boobies. You get doors opened up for you pretty much no matter where you go. Sometimes, it can get you free stuff. Anything from a cup of coffee to money. I, myself, have never gotten money but I am just speaking on behalf of friends I know who have gotten such things. The coffee, yeah.... I have gotten it lots of times.

The draw back is that there are many women who forget that it takes more than an excellent set up ta-ta's to keep a man interested. Yeah sure he will love to play with them for awhile but the minute he is done with them and he can't carry on a conversation with you, the fun is all over.

Too many women think they can just run out and get bigger boobies and get the man of their dreams. Its a sad reality. If they only realized from the beginning that having the personality of a wet mop doesn't go well with big big boobies. Nope....they don't go hand in hand at all.

I would like to know from the male point of view here. What is it about a woman with boobs that you love so much? Is is merely because you don't have them or what? Is it boobie Envy? Shit, if you did have them would you even leave your house??? **snicker** I mean I don't have a penis and when I talk to a man I don't sit staring at their crotches when I do it so what gives? And I don't want a penis so I definitely don't suffer from penis envy. Come on boys... help me out here!!! (Besides I don't know how in the hell you walk around with those things anyway..)

This was a debate at work today. And the only guy chiming in with any sort of opinion is a 40 year old virgin (yes he is seriously 40 and a virgin.. no lie) so I figure his opinion really didn't matter all that much...

All right guys.. spill it... I want some truth here...

The Christmas Gift I Will Never Forget...

Now who in their right mind doesn't like getting Christmas presents? I pretty much think its a given. Yeah I know we are supposed to like giving more than receiving but I think alot of us would pretty much be liars if we didn't admit how much we love getting them.

Everyone usually gets their fair share of crap gifts too. I have gotten many. Everything from the ugly sweater to stupid ass trinkets I have no use for. Thankfully, I have never been subjected to the miserable fruitcake you always hear people talking about but that's neither here nor there in this lil' post.

One year, my best friend NV and I had decided to get together with a group of people we work with at her father's restaurant as kind of a Pre-Christmas dinner.

It was going to be great! Just us and about 8 (if I recall) of our close friends from work. I wish I could tell you the menu we had planned but I really cannot and that is because everything else became lost in the shadows once I opened up the gift that NV got for me.

So here we all are, sitting at a huge round table in the Tavern area of the restaurant. Nothing but good food and even better conversation. What could be better right?

Well then it was time for some gift giving. Everyone was exchanging presents and opening them. It was fun to see what everyone got for each other and they all seemed happy with everything they received.

Then it became my turn. I should have known Mrs. NV was up to no good because she made sure that all eyes were laid upon me during my opening of this spectacular gift!

Damn I was I excited! NV was always good at picking out stuff so I could only imagine what she had gotten me! She knew all of the things I loved so I knew this was going to be awesome!!!

I slowly begin opening up my gift and what do my eyes see????

A HUGE RUBBER DILDO!!!

Yeah you heard me right! A great big fucking 1o" rubber penis! It was flesh colored and even had little veins so it looked realistic. All it was missing was a man attached to it.

Panic shot threw me first because here I was opening this gift in front of all of these people we work with. Horrified I was!!! Holy Shit!!! I cannot believe she did this too me!!! Wait, yes I can! NV is evil! She never had a halo only the devil horns!!! That night I was sittin' next to the devil herself and her name was NV....

So after the horrifying look disappeared from my face, I could do nothing but turn a good 6 million shades of red. Then the laughing ensued from everyone at the table. Damn I was never going to hear the end of this one. Nope... NEVER!!!

Damn it NV!!! What the fuck are you trying to say here!??? Of course I knew what she was trying to imply because I was dating no one at the time and was living alone. She felt I needed a "boyfriend" of some sort. She is so incredibly thoughtful isn't she? My only complaint is that it wasn't one that needed batteries. It was going to be left up to me to do all of the "dirty work". Hell it could have even been one that plugged in! You know one of those intimidating bastards that are screaming "You better hold on when using me baby because you are going on one wild ass scream fest!"

**giggles**

NV I love you!!! You know I still outta kick your ass for that one! Nothing like taking out a huge dildo and setting it down in the middle of a huge round table for everyone to see. Gee Thanks NV!!!

So after I left I decided to swing by my parents house and show them my gift. Basically, my family roared with laughter. They always loved NV and her sense of humor....

Occasionally, to this day, I still get asked about this nice Christmas gift. Actually, its more like a "hey remember when NV got you that dildo.......???"

See what best friends are for???

An Evil Menace

Once upon a time in a little town in Missouri, there was a sweet little doggie and his name was Loco. Loco was so cute with his soft black fur sprinkled with a few dashes of white. Just setting your eyes upon this sweet creature will make your heart melt.

Loco got his name because he is very much like having a crazy and very much deranged squirrel being set free in your home. His hyperactive behavior doesn't always sit will with his owner but she loves him just the same. She should have known something was amiss when Loco came home and she found out he was part Schipperke and Keeshond because those breeds of dog are known for their off the wall and crazy behavior.

Most of the time Loco was quite the good dog but there were many times when he seemed to lose his mind. He would get this crazy look in his eyes and his owner could just tell he was plotting and scheming something. It was during those times that he destroyed many items in his patient owners home.

Last year the destruction was almost unfathomable. He ate everything he could get his little paws and teeth upon. The list is a long a tedious one indeed and includes everything from shoes to Christmas presents and occasionally the cat. He also loves knocking over the Christmas Tree completely so his owner has something to do. He is so thoughtful in that way. Always wanting to make sure his loving owner has plenty to keep herself occupied.

This year Loco has out done himself. So far he has eaten a few Christmas Tree ornaments during this festive time. Loco always wants to make sure he does his part to make the holiday season a cheery one by adding his own personal touches.

Only time will tell what Loco will eat over the upcoming week but whatever it is, I am sure it will send his owner to the edge of insanity :)

The End...

***I would like to make it known he actually has not eaten my cat but he does like to torture the poor little guy!!! I'm surprised my cat even has any hair left....

Now with that being said, here are some pictures of my menacing but oh-so-cute animal and my son :) As you can see Loco has been dressed appropriately for Christmas with his sweet red velvet bow....

Sneakin' Out Part 2 - Thieves In The Night

After my little post about sneakin' out, I have done much thinking about all of the different unruly things I did during my teenage years. I was seriously a bad girl. There is no other way to put it. But no one every really knew how bad I was. I mean come on.. Look at my angelic face???



How could you ever think that I would do anything bad??? Granted I have devils horns holding up my halo but who's counting???

Now I am deviating from my whole reason for this post. Seeing as how my most recent post was about one of my sneakin' out escapades I thought I would follow it up with another one.

During one of my little late night disappearances a friend of mine and I decided to go and visit a friend. She lived up the street from me, so she happened to be one of the people I usually ended up hanging out with whenever I did venture from my house during the wee hours of the morning.

Instead of calling her she, let me refer to her as Jane. Kinda like Jane Doe. I really don't want to use her real name here. Not that she will ever see it but still. Just being a little cautious. Don't want to give away every single piece of information...

Jane was the only one of us with a driver's license. I was only 15 at the time and she had turned 16 just a few months prior.

On this particular night we really didn't know what exactly to do. We had no plans but it didn't matter. We were hell bent on doing something!!! Oh yeah! It was definitely going to happen.

When I get to her house and sneak in the window we both kind of sat there, staring at each other, deciding what to do and where to go. It was no easy task seeing as though we didn't have a way to get anywhere except by walking. And considering most of our friends lived several miles away, we just didn't see that as an option.

After throwing around a couple of lousy idea's, Jane finally says, "You know what? We are going to take my mom's car!"

At first I was really taken back by this statement. I mean what would happen if her parents got up in the middle of the night and noticed the car was gone and then looked in her room and saw she was gone??? Would they have called the police or what???

However, after tossing the idea around in my head for all of 2 minutes and listening to her say, "Ahhh c'mon it'll be fun! We can go anywhere we want!", I caved. Yep I gave in.

We were going to be thieves in the night! How cool is this? It's like living in a movie! We could do ANYTHING we wanted to do!

In a way the whole idea was pretty cool. Well at least it seemed that way at the time...

Jane left her bedroom really quietly and came back a couple of minutes later with her mom's car keys in hand. At this point we both crawled back out her bedroom window and made our way to the car.

Jane's mom's car was a piece of work. Yes, I am being sarcastic. It was an old white station wagon and I LOATHE station wagons. However, it was a means for us to roam the city so who really cares right?

Jane unlocks the car and we both get in, closing the doors as quietly as possible so we don't wake her parents up. She looks back at the house when she starts the car hoping no one is looking out a window or standing at the door.

WHEW!!! The coast was clear!

Jane eased the car out of the driveway and we were gone!

My house was only 8 houses away but we had to pass it in order to get out of our neighborhood. That is when I ducked in the seat just in case my mother had gotten up. If she happened to look out the window I sure as hell didn't want her to see us passing by. Actually, I didn't duck in the seat, I crawled in the damn floor until Jane gave the "Coast is Clear" signal.

We ended up at one of our friends houses. To be specific it was my boyfriends house at the time. His parents were gone for a week out of town so we figured why not. He had a few friends over so it seemed like fun.

I am not going to go into details but I will say I was a GOOD girl while I was there. I have no lurid details for you so sorry about that. We basically sat around shooting the shit for a couple of hours until we decided we had better go before we get caught.

Now this is where the story gets a little interesting. When we got back to her house, Jane turned the lights to the car off so we wouldn't give ourselves away.

The car was originally backed in so she had to make sure to put it back in the exact place it was. She pulled up in front of the house a little ahead of the driveway and put the car in reverse.

"Hey would you mind getting out and standing behind the car and guide me in?"

Well of course I wouldn't mind! I hopped out and was using my hands to wave her back into the spot. Jane was doing awesome! Splendid at backing up considering she only had her license for a couple of months! Spectacular Job!!!

About the time she was in the spot something went awry. Jane accidentally hits the gas instead of the break sending the car ramming at almost full speed into a tree right next to the driveway.

HOLY FUCK!!! WHAT THE HELL??!!!

All you could hear was a loud crash and then screeching tires....

Jane had a moment of panic and peeled out of the driveway like bullet being shot from a gun and left me standing there looking completely dumbfounded! I know my jaw was on the ground and my eyes were as big as saucers because I couldn't believe she left me standing there!!!

Apparently she wasn't in that much of a panic because as she drove away like a mad woman she remembered to turn the head lights back on. So all I see are the tail lights of the car disappearing before me heading down the street.

All I could do was stand there a second. I couldn't move. I was in complete disbelief. What had been a great night had immediately turned into a nightmare.

I remember turning and looking at her house. I truly expected to see her father standing there but luckily for me, he wasn't. And its a good thing too because her dad was SCARY!!! He was one of those guys who put up with NO nonsense at all. None.. Nada...

Finally something gave and I was able to move. I just remember running as fast as I could out of her driveway and down the street in the direction Jane had went.

Can you believe she drove over 2 blocks to a church parking lot?

When I got there she was just sitting in the car, staring at the steering wheel with a look of "I am so dead!" written all over her face.

I got in and sat next to her. She said she was sorry for leaving me and asked if her parents woke up after that loud crash. I told her I didn't see them but I couldn't be for sure. We sat there for a few minutes trying to hatch a master plan but we couldn't come up with anything. Our brains were mush. It was futile. We were fucked and there is nothing else to it.

Jane finally decided to head back to the house and try it again. She had said she was going to back it in again and pretend like the whole thing didn't happen.

So here we go again. But this time she backed the car in perfectly.

We got out and walked around the back of the car to see if it was damaged and if so how bad.

Yep. The bumper was completely smashed in and there was little twigs sticking out of it covered in tiny green leaves. When you looked at the tree she hit, you could clearly see where bark had been ripped off leaving a huge gash in it. We picked out every twig we saw and wiped off any traces of the tree bark and just hoped no one would ever put two and two together.

I really thought Jane was going to cry but she didn't.

At that point she just said she was going to go in and go to bed and she would see me in the morning.

You see, at that time, Jane's mom was taking us to school every morning. Not good when you were just aiding and abetting someone stealing a car for your own personal fun.

I felt like a felon. I went home, crawled into bed and never went to sleep.

The next morning, Jane and her mom pulled up to my house as they usually did and we made the journey to school. Both Jane and I couldn't talk. There was just nothing we could say. Her mother never once mentioned the car. It was a good thing at that moment.

Later on that day when Jane got home, her mother apparently asked her about the car. Her mom noticed the bumper when she was on her way to the car when she was leaving the grocery store that afternoon.

Jane played dumb and nothing was ever said. They just got the car fixed and that was the end of it.

I admit, I do feel a little guilty. Sometimes I wish I had said something but considering Jane kept quiet, I wasn't about to turn her in. I couldn't bring myself to do it.....

Oh boy... So how angelic am I now???

Sneakin' Out

Today at work a few of us got into some conversations of things we did when we were younger and it got my mind really reeling. The funny thing is I happen to work with my younger sister so telling some of these made her kinda go "HUH???". I love that. It's things she never knew her big sister ever did. Damn now she sees me in such a different light. **snicker** YEAH RIGHT!!!

When I was growing up I had the coolest room in the world. Actually it was the entire basement of my parents house. Damn it was great! What teenage girl wouldn't want this???

There were a few draw backs. Like for one, when my parents bought the house the basement came with the ugliest of green shag carpets. And not just one color of green but it was multi-colored. Light and Dark shades... Bleecccchhhhh!! Talk about a blast from the 70's. It was scary.

Then there was the issue of anytime someone needed to go out into the garage they had to come down the stairs, which meant they were entering my room. FUCK!!! Can't do any masturbating when you are worried a family member is going to come poppin' in at any minute! Did I just say that? Scratch that... Pretend I said nothing... Act as though I am using the Jedi Mind Trick on you, telling you to remember nothing....

It's forgotten right??? Of course it is, now just don't reread this post and its all good :)

Now there were so many awesome things about this room. First, it was huge!!! I mean huge huge huge! I had my bed and basically a full living room full of furniture. All of my friends loved to come over and hang out just because they could lounge around anywhere they wanted.

I even had a fireplace in my bedroom. Tell me that doesn't kick some ass?? Did I use it? Only a couple of times but it was still cool none-the-less.

But the best thing about this room is that I had my very own private entrance. Yeah... A 16 year had a door right next to her bed. That's right... You heard me right....

Now the question is, did I use it???

You better believe I used it! Holy shit I was a bad kid. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I was sneakin' out in the middle of the night.

I would walk down the local 7-11 and flirt with the clerk behind the counter. Craig... Wow I still remember Craig. You know I ran into him a year ago and let me say this.... I don't know what the fuck I was thinking... YUCK!!!

Then there were the times I would head to friends houses and sneak in their windows so we could just hang out. Of course hanging out meant stealing liquor from our parents, getting completely hammered and just having one hell of a time...

I told you I was a bad bad bad girl...

Well after all was said and done as far as where ever it was I was at those nights I would always head home. It was usually some where in the neighborhood of 3 or 4 in the morning.

Now here is where it gets funny. My father worked the night shift for General Motors at the time. I knew I needed to be home by the time he got there or else he would hear me sneaking in. So I always made sure I was home well in advance.

Well except this one time....

I was on my way home from my friends and I was just strolling down the street. I didn't even know what time it was because I had been drinking. See what alcohol does to you??

So here I am walking down the road and I don't even pay attention to the fact there is a van coming down the road behind me until its pretty much damn near on top of me. Well I look over my shoulder and its my father.

SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!!!

What the fuck am I gonna do now? Its a fucking school night and I am busted for sure. They are going to take away my bedroom! Or at least nail the door shut so hard that I would never be able to exit it again!!! FUCK!

So I start jogging a little bit and veering off into the grass just hoping he wouldn't see me. Well I look over right as he gets to me and yep, there is my dad.

Was he looking at me? NOPE!!!

It was like something out of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. You know the scene where he is running home after skipping school all day long having the time of his life and trying to get home before his parents.

The only difference is my dad never even looked my way! He just drove right on past and went home.

I was still convinced I was busted though. I anticipated he would be waiting in my room for me. I knew I was going to be grounded until I was 75. Damn its hell being a teenage girl...

So I reach my yard and sneak around the back of the house to my door. I look at the windows and see no lights or anything so I go ahead and reach for the door.

What happens? The bastard squeaks. And loudly too... SHIT!!! Why don't I carry the WD-40 with me for times like this?

I get the door all the way open and go in and what do I see? Nothing! My dad wasn't there. All was nice and quiet.

I end up changing my clothes in the dark and sneak into bed. I laid there for a little bit waiting to see if he would ever come down but he didn't. That's when I figured he would say something the next day and just kick my ass when my mother is there too..

The next day... NOTHING IS SAID!!!

Whether he saw me or not I will never ever know. He ever said a word to me to this day...

Talk about a close call :)

I will say it again, the life of a teenage girl is hard... No doubt fun! But definitely HARD!!

I Belong Where??

I took this lil' thing from Blu and he took it from someone else.

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam. Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

What European City Do You Belong In?

Amsterdam?? HA! I like that! Everytime I think if the city it reminds me of Pulp Fiction and that Deuce Bigalow movie.

A Den of Sin it is. Hmmmmmmm... So what's that say about me?

I Love Little Kids

Tonight was fun! I went with my sister to watch her son in his preschool Christmas Program.

There is nothing like watching 2 and 3 year olds cry on stage and scream for their parents while the teachers are behind them doing their best to calm them down and keep them from running off the stage.

I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time!

My nephew, Matthew, did so good. My sister and I were both convinced he was going to be one of the criers but he wasn't. He was having a good ole time up there dancing and clapping. Hell he even bowed a time or two. Oh wait, he did have a moment with his finger crammed in his nose. ***snicker***

I, being the huge slacker that I am, forgot my camera. But my sis didn't so when I get some, I will post them.

Nothing lets you know its Christmas time like watching little kids having a ball singing songs they don't even know the words too. And when you throw in the dancing, you are talking about one of the most hilarious things you can see.

I love kids :) Makes me wanna have a whole ton of them... Okay Im lying. Maybe one or two more but then Im calling it quits damn it!

Have a great night everyone!

Back At The Daily Whatever...

I was looking forward to going back to work. I really was. You know how it is when you have been ill and stuck in the house, doing anything is a welcome relief. The one who owns my heart knows this all too well, even more so than I myself know it.

So here I was, happy to be going back right? I really was! That is until I got there. It's like hell unleashed it's furry at my desk as a nice welcome back present! Gee.. Thanks Satan!

Aside from every single report I do being wrong and the new work I have, I guess its not so bad. I loathe time constraints and now I have way too many. Deadlines... Deadlines... Deadlines...

Hey Satan! Did I say thanks??? Ughhhhhhhhh!

It was nice to see everyone again. I came back just in time to see my sister tell the Vice President of the company to go fuck himself. Now that was some entertainment! You have to understand how my sister is. It's not surprising by any means and the boss, who I have dubbed, The Little General, completely had it coming. By the end of it all, he was begging her not to leave. Its fun to watch power hungry people back peddle. Kinda makes you smile when they get put in their place :)

So I am back to the daily grind. Its going to be busy but at least I am feeling a lot better. I am still having my moments but its nothing like it was.

I am a little sad this morning. Anyone who really knows me understands how much of a football fan I am. Well Lamar Hunt, the owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, died after a long battle with cancer. Rest in Peace Lamar....

Okay you gotta tell me.... What do you think of my new header? Is that fucking cool or what? I love it so much! And that is compliments of my baby. Why he loves me so much, I will never know :) Thank you Michael!

Have a wonderful day everyone!

To See What Everyone Else Sees...

Reflections of Me...

The darkened night sky fell fast upon me
as I stood there, gazing down
at the reflection in the pond, wondering
who was staring back at me?

The descending night played tricks upon the water
I could swear I saw an angel, with wings
and a halo, or was it a goddess
reigning supreme, staring back at me?

It wasn't the me that I see everyday
nor even the one that I see in my head
this was the me that everyone else sees
the one that to which I seem to be blind

Except for this moment of timeless
recognition, the kind that will last
til the next precognition
of self

~Brenda Barnhart


I have stumbled across a few blogs lately which have been full of self-reflection. Its a good thing. Everyone should take the time to find out who they truly are. You should be able to look into the mirror and not just see the reflection, but to know exactly who is staring back at you. If you don't like what you see then it's time to change but how you do it, is up to you...

I posted the poem simply as a reminder. I found it long ago and loved what it said. Now I am sharing it with you.... It's a reminder to always be true to yourself and you can never go wrong.

I think the lack of sleep lately has got my brain working overtime. Too bad it doesn't get paid because I would be sitting on a goldmine right now :)

Define 'Cool'

When I was in school I can honestly say I never ever gave a shit whether I was popular or not. I was one of those kids who pretty much fit in anywhere with anyone. That's a good thing right? I didn't fall into those group categories. You know what I'm talking about, the preps, the jocks, the stoners, the misguided goth kids or the nerds. The fact of the matter is I knew people from all of those little cliques and many of them were fairly close friends of mine.

Today I was listening to my son talk when he came home from school about all these different kids and what groups they fit into. I found it kind of baffling because I never viewed people this way and I certainly didn't raise him to look at people in categories either. So when I am listening to him talk about how he can't stand this kid because he is a "goth kid" and they are too emotional it got under my skin a little bit.

There is just too much emphasis on being cool these days but what these kids fail to realize is that everyone is cool in their own right to some degree. Just because you are the quarterback of the football team doesn't mean you are going to grow up and make something of yourself.

I have ran into many many many people I attended high school with who were so popular and so well liked. Everyone was so sure they would grow up and be these over-achievers instead of the clerk at my local grocery store. Now don't get me wrong, I am not knocking them because of their job. I am merely trying to prove the point that who you are in high school, whether you be the most popular kid or the least popular, does not automatically dictate who you will be when you get out of school.

When my step-daughter was still living here I cannot tell you how many times she came home crying because someone called her "goth". It was ridiculous. Just hearing her always got me all sorts of riled up. I mean who really cares? I never cared and I think I turned out pretty good.

So what is cool? Does anyone really know?

Personally, I think the only truly cool people on the planet are those who can look at everyone as an individual and not define them by how they dress or who they hang out with. It's all about how you present yourself. It's about being you and not trying to be someone or something that you aren't. That is the message I am now trying hard to convey to my son and right now I think I am sort of losing this battle.

Apparently cool means he needs to be wearing Abercrombie and Fitch. Well the funny thing is I have bought him Abercrombie. However, I bought the clothes at a thrift store and not from going to the actual store itself. I don't see the need to spend $100 on a pair of jeans for my 13 year old. But am I really helping the situation by even buying the clothing with the name on it to begin with no matter what I paid for it??? Good question......

Well whatever the case, I am still going to do my damnest to instill this in my son. He is very cool and always has been. I just see him suddenly worrying about his clothing and his status in the 'social scene' and its bothersome.

***sigh***

I am so glad I am done with school. However, I think if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would.

Nothing But Mindless Babble

I really have nothing of importance to say today so this will probably be mindless babble. But what is so wrong with mindless babble? Other than some people may not want to read it is there really anything wrong with it, right?

I still feel like shit. I have been taking some drugs off and on today to kill the damn fever I have been battling since yesterday. It's made me a little giddy at times, well in between bouts of wanting to just pass out, that is.

I really hated missing another day of work since it means less pay for each day I miss. What to do?? What to do?? I am in some serious pain (which is part of the reason I have been taking the drugs) so going to work today would not have been a good thing. Needless to say, I wouldn't have been very productive. But when I think about it, I really wonder if they even would have noticed. Probably not. I have one of those jobs where if you look busy they pretty much assume you are busy. They still don't pay me enough to go in and pretend so I chose to stay close to my bed with all its nicely soft sheets and blankets and my overly comfortable pillows :)

I did talk to the dr's office and they are raising their eyebrows a little bit after I told them everything that is going on with me. So they are now putting me on even more medication. I hate medicine. During a conversation with my favorite person in the world today we decided it would probably be a good idea to take out some stock from one of these companies. Why not? Why not get some of the money I am putting in their pockets back? I think its a truly spectacular idea :) I can almost smell the money now....

I am so tired. Why? I haven't done a damn thing in the past 6 days so why am I so tired? They say you can be more tired from doing nothing than if you really busted your ass and I am beginning to believe it. I know.... I know.... Blah Blah Blah... Whine to someone else right???

I think I have watched about every single episode of Animal Planet's "The Most Extreme" they have ever made. Now that is a quality show. You learn so many things from shows like this. Did you know the Tasmanian Devil gives birth to about 50 babies at a time??? I love babies but I would lose my mind... But here is the kicker, only 4 of those will survive because the others will starve to death. Nice parenting skills! Not to mention that those 4 will try to kill each other off as mom just settles back and watches the death matches unfold. That is until she tires of it and leaves.

***sigh***

Okay I am about babbled out. My mind is not wanting to process anything else today so I think I will cooperate with it and just give in. Why fight it? It doesn't feel like thinking so why try and force it? I would hate to piss it off and have it go on strike or something. Some how I don't think that would be good.

And Where is My Blanket???

It's official. I am completely out of it today.

I honestly thought is was because of not getting much sleep this past week but today is a bit different. Since yesterday, okay you who are squeamish, and you know who you are NV, do not read any further if you don't wanna hear it okay??? Anyway, the incision they made in my belly button during surgery is really quite gross. The amount of nastiness coming out of it is really making me nauseous. Not to mention that I am really cramping like crazy again. I was fine the last couple of days and now, its back like a kick to the face with a golf shoe. OH WHY!!!!

Now I thought I might have been running a temperature so I checked it and its currently 100. Fuck... I really hate this stuff. I really need to go to work tomorrow but if this incision is infected and causing this, I should get it taken care of immediately. So I figure if I wake up tomorrow morning and its not any better then I will head back to the doc and see what he has to say.

The pain in my head right now makes me think I have accountants in my head cranking out numbers on one of those old adding machines.... I really thought I removed them from the payroll so what gives???

Where the hell is my blanket??? I am cold as hell here... Although I should just go back to bed and stay there. I need a remedy! Who can help me out??? Damn......................

Tickity Tock Goes The Damn Clock

can't sleep.
don't sleep.
won't sleep.
shan't sleep.
never sleep.
never sleep.
never sleep.
tick tock
tick tock
tickity tick
tock
tock
tock
the little hand drills a hole into my tired mind.
can't
tick
don't
tock
won't
tick
shan't
tock
never
tick
never
tock
never sleep
the clock keeps ticking
as my mind struggles to keep up
too many ticks.
too many tocks.
the clock's too loud
it echos through the silent night
too many thoughts
all at once
i need them on paper
scribble
tick
scribble
tock
that fucking clock
it never fucking stops
i cant fucking sleep.
a dog barks
tick
a car screeches
tock
a horse neighs...what?
i can't be that tired
i can't be hallucinating
i
can't
sleep.
don't sleep.
won't sleep.
shan't sleep.
never sleep.

i need a digital clock

Did you know that lack of sleep can drive you mad??????

I Am Smitten!!!

How could you not love this little face? This is my nephew Philip and in this picture he is giving me his new smile. He does this thing all of a sudden where he scrunches up his face to smile and its cute as hell!!! My sister bringing him over brightened up my day. I felt bad because I couldn't play with him the way I wanted to because I felt so damn shitty but he didn't notice. He was running around and into EVERYTHING!!! He is a little ball of energy and I had so much fun just watching him today... Seeing him and being around him makes me want another one. Maybe one day...

Ouch Ouch Ouch

Don't you just love the pain scale? I am thinkin' the last face needs to have it's mouth open screaming to really qualify for a 10 because off and on the last few hours that is exactly what it has been. I sucks when you cannot even cough because it hurts so bad. Sneezing is torture and just getting up and walking is a chore in itself.

A lot of times I will say when I don't feel right that it's like I have been run over by a truck. Then there is the occasional time when I say not only did I get run over by the truck but then it was slammed in reverse and backed right back over me. But off and on since I got home, its more like the truck hit me, backed up, hit me again but stayed on top of me spinning it's wheels as fast as it can and then repeated by whole process over and over until it ran out of gas. And since it ran out of gas, its still parked on top of me........ughhhhh... I'm okay at the moment because my Vicodin pills have kicked in pretty good. (Okay if I have to use the pain scale, I would say its a 6 right now.) I hate using this stuff but considering how I have been feeling, I'm not even giving it a second thought when I am slamming them down my throat.

The surgery of mine went well. My Doc went in and did everything he needed to do and even found a few things more than he anticipated finding. The funny thing is he took pictures while he was using the scope and I am supposed to get a set of them at my next visit so this should be interesting. Nothing like seeing your insides in full color.

I didn't really want to disclose the details of why I had surgery so I will just say "female stuff" and that should cover it. I will also say that I have little cysts and tumors galore that will not be removed at this time. My doctor wants to try some different things before resorting to that so we will see. I am up for anything as long as the situation gets under control and I can function normally again. I have felt so bad off and on for the last few months that I am just about willing to consent to anything to make it all stop. Notice I said just about anything. There are a few things I want to avoid but if it comes down to me having no choice in the end, well then so be it. I just want to make sure everything has been tried before I step back into an operating room for some major surgery.

Right now I am exhausted. I keep going to sleep for a couple of hours and then waking up because of being completely uncomfortable. And these Vicodin pills are inducing so really crazy dreams. It almost seems like the entire time I am sleep I am dreaming which is making me a little insane. I would love to have some nice, restful deep sleep without my mind working overtime. I would stop taking the pills but I need to get this pain under control first. I know its going to get better but it will be a few days.

I think I am going to make another attempt at getting that sleep now. I need it so bad.

Take care everyone and have a good day...

Would I Sell My Soul

Would I sell my soul for some sleep right now? That's a good question. I am so tired I cannot even see straight. I was up all damn night last night. It was yet another round of the tossing and turning Olympics. I think I won the Gold Medal again. Damn I'm gettin' pretty good.... And that's not something I want to be good at...

My son stayed home from school yesterday with a horrid headache and sometime in the middle of the night last night it all turned into a stomach thing. He was literally up and in the bathroom most of the night so he will be at home again today.

I am off the rest of the week once I finish my work day today. My surgery is scheduled for noon tomorrow. I won't lie.... I am truly scared to death. Not necessarily about the procedure itself but about being put under. I just hate the idea of being completely gone by way of anesthetic. That stuff makes me very very nervous.

So needless to say, my mind is all over the place and I am having a hell of a time relaxing. But once this is over with I should be okay. Its just getting it done and over with thats driving me bonkers.

Well its time to head to hell.... oops, I mean work...

Have a great day everyone.

More Blasted Meme's

1. Pick one of your scars. How did you get it? I have one on my right arm up by my elbow. I got this while working for NV. She feels the need to torture her employees with hot pokers. Actually I burned myself removing something from a hot oven at NV's.
2. Do you know what time you were born? I was born at 8:30 am on August 19, 1970.
3. What do you want more than anything right now? For Michael to be here.
4. What is your favorite perfume/cologne? Chanel Chance
5. Do you get claustrophobic? Yes I do.. I hate elevators big time.
6. Would you fall in love knowing that person is leaving? Yes, why miss out on a good thing?
7. Blondes, Brunettes or Red Heads? Brunettes
8. What annoys you the most? People who act as if they know something but really know nothing.
9. Have you ever made a prank call? Yes and the last time I made one was with NV's husband. I have to admit that it was quite fun...
10. What is the one phone number you call most often? Michael's house
11. What is your most prized possession? Besides my son??? Hmmmm... My car or my house or my computer..
12. Did you ever eat glue as a child? Nope!!!
13. If you had the ability to see 5 years into the future, would you do it? Trick question because I would if I thought I could change the outcome if I didn't like it.
14. What EXACTLY are you wearing right now? A purple hoodie, blue jeans and hiking boots.
15. Name someone with the same birthday as you? Bill Clinton
16. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their eyes then their smile.
17. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done or given you? Ahhh... easy... See the sand in the box in the pics along the side... There you go :)
18. What time did you get up this morning? Ummmm.... 5:30...ughhhh
19. What is your middle name? Diane
20. What curse word do you use the most? Fuck....
21. Who was the last person to text message you? Michael
22. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? Most of the time yes, but I do overlook it now and then.
23. Do you sleep on your side, tummy or back? On my side hugging my body pillow.
24. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? I could really care less...
25. What is your current desktop wallpaper? Its a collage of me and my favorite person in the world...
26. What time is it right now? 6:27pm
27. What do you do when you are bored? Write or mess around with my computer.
28. Would you rather be in a picture or take a picture? Take a picture..
29. If the person you were engaged to be married to were in a horrible accident paralyzing them for life, would you go through with the marriage? YES... I hate stupid questions like this one...
30. For $20,000 would you be willing to go without bathing for 3 months. This includes no deoderant or perfumes/colognes? Ummmmm NO!!!

Okay...... I personally think Blu and NV should have to suffer as I have and do these questions..

Disturbed Sleep

To say I couldn't sleep last night would be an understatement. It's more like I won the Gold Medal in the tossing and turning Olympics.

I have way to much on my mind lately. Anticipation of this impending surgery on Wednesday has got me a little anxious and waiting on Michael to come home is driving me completely insane.

I almost got up and took something to help me sleep around 2 this morning but then changed my mind when I realized how overly tired I would be from not getting enough rest while taking something meant to knock my ass out.

Basically, I can't win in the world of sleep lately... I am still contemplating the whole idea of pulling a Seinfeld and building a nap area under my desk at work. Today could just be the day that idea takes shape.... Do you think the bosses will even notice if I show up in pj's with a pillow and blanket???

In The Last Hour

While reading some blogs this morning, I stumbled across Under the Microscope. The post this morning was called, "In the last hour" and listed the details of what occured right during the hour prior to the post. So I thought I would give it a go.....

1. I woke up and just lied in bed with my eyes shut for a few minutes, letting my mind wander about Michael and his, as we love to call it "coming home" in a few weeks. Thought about all of the things I wanna do when he first gets here.

2. Finally I rolled over and looked at the time, sighed and got out of bed and put something on.

3. Headed straight for the bathroom, looked in the mirror at my puffy eyes. Brushed my hair a bit then examined the war wound from my collision with the bumper of my car from the ice the other day.

4. Watched my son sleeping on the couch. Kids are always so angelic when they sleep. He had the dog curled up next to him so it was really cute.

5. Got on the computer and read my email and a bunch of blogs. Commented on some. Pondered the changes Michael made once again to his. Noticing the switch on his profile location from Kansas City to the Midwest.

6. The phone rang and it was my step-daughters mother. She was asking me to get ahold of her daughter for her since she spent the night with a friend and my ex didn't want to call me because that would mean he would have to call me from his cell phone (which meant I would have his cell phone number since I have caller ID and he doesn't want me to have it.) I really hate childish behavior. Talked to her for awhile.

7. Called my step daughter at her friends house and talked to her for a few minutes. Listened to her talk about how much she misses me. It made me sad. I guess while I was shopping yesterday she stopped by to give me a hug and I missed it.

8. Pet my dog because he is an attention hog and wasn't going to quit jumping on me while I was on the computer until I gave him the attention he wanted.

9. Made myself one of those instant cappuccino's. I hate them but I wasn't in the mood for hot chocolate this morning and its cold in here. But then again, Im tired and I'm always cold when Im tired.

10. Fed my fish while my cat stared at me and screamed repeatedly.

11. Looked outside noticing the snow being almost completely gone.

12. Sat down to type this post...

A Long Long Long Day

What a long ass day this was!!! After taking a visit to the local vampires (LabOne for blood work), my sister and I had planned to do just a couple of things and call it a day. Well my mother called and the next thing I know we are running all over the city shopping.

Now my sisters and my mother all LOVE to shop! I, however, did not inherit the shopping gene from my mom and Thank GOD because I would been more broke than I already am and living in some cardboard box underneath a bridge.

I hate to shop so much that I avoid going to any sort of mall or stores all together if humanly possible. So being out today among the crowds was indeed torturous. It's amazing how many people are so rude during this time of year too. And I just don't understand it. It makes no sense. Seriously, what's the point?????

I did manage to get some shopping for my son done today so that made me feel just a little bit better. The nice thing about my son is that he never really asks for much. But at the same time, it makes him a little hard to shop for. Even though I know all of the things he really loves and wants its still a little difficult. Only because he is always one to insist that I do not spend money on him. He is such a good kid, kind and always considerate of others. I couldn't ask for a better son. I know I have raised him right.

So now that this long ass overly exhausting day is over, I feel like I am about to collapse. As a matter of fact, I think I am going to make myself a drink. Hell I may just make a couple of drinks tonight. Its been awhile......

Unlived Lives...

After living in the dark for so long,

a glimpse of light can make you giddy.

Strange thoughts come into your head

and you better think them.

Has a special fate been calling you

and your not listening?

Is there a secret message in front

of you and you're not reading it?

Is this your last, best chance?

Are you gonna take it?

Or are you going to the grave

with unlived lives in your veins?
~The Good Girl

Things are just about ready to change in my life and for the better. Sometimes change can be scary but only because you really don't have any clue what is about to happen.

I was afraid of change for a long time. Anything different from what was familiar would get me feeling anxious and the level of anxiety I would feel was overwhelming to the point where I felt like I couldn't function.

The past 2 years of my life has been filled with nothing but change and at times it was plain and simply terrifying.

Now something is different. I wouldn't exactly say I am changing anything in my life. In fact, its more like I am experiencing a metamorphosis. Yes, I am changing somewhat but its more that I am found my true self after not really knowing who I am for such a long time.

Before long, my metamorphosis will finally be complete. The final pieces of the puzzle will be in place and my life will be as it should have been all along. Its a wonderful feeling.

I know now that letting your mind go with what you have known all along is right and trusting your instincts is the best thing you could ever do for yourself. Always listen to those little voices screaming reason in your ear because they know what they are talking about. That's why they are there.

I posted the quote from the movie "The Good Girl" for a reason. It fits me. I lived in the dark for so long and finally listened and found the light. I saw my chance to have my life as I always wanted it to be and I took it. I didn't ignore those voices and for that I am a much better and happier person. No longer will I ever worry about going to the grave with unlived lives in my veins...

Life is good..... Actually its much better than I ever thought it could be!!!